The Incarnation of Fire
by Persnikitty
Summary: One of Kyuubi’s many titles was the Incarnation of Fire, but this was far more than just a title, it was also a job description. When Kyuubi goes missing, Naruto is called upon to pick up the mantle, whether he wants to or not. AU.
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My thanks to Demonkid for his idea juggling.

Summary: One of Kyuubi's many titles was the Incarnation of Fire, but this was far more than just a title, it was also a job description. When Kyuubi goes missing, Naruto is called upon to pick up the mantle, whether he wants to or not.

Disclaimer: Naruto is the property of Kishimoto Masashi.

* * *

To put it succinctly, though the boy in question knew not that word, this day had been a long one.

It started shortly after the lucky few who passed the Genin Exam had gone home with their families to celebrate their accomplishment. All too familiar feelings of envy, longing and rank jealousy flickered through him as he sat dejectedly on the Loser/Monster/Demon swing. It was one of the few things in this town that was his, since nobody else had ever used it from the singular time he sat on it seven years ago. What followed was the Special Exam Fiasco, though he didn't know what that latter word meant either.

It was a bittersweet event, whatever that meant, where he learned that Mizuki was a traitor, Iruka-sensei actually liked him and where he actually learned how to make a clone which didn't explode on contact with the air. He also learned that his personal hero put a demon in his belly to save the village while damning an orphan. He wasn't quite sure how he felt about that fact. Mitigating it, a term to be looked up later, was Iruka-sensei's own personal headband and strap, knowing there was now another person in this hateful place who saw Naruto for Naruto. That placed Iruka-sensei just behind Ayame in Super Special People.

His skinny body still hummed with excitement, though slightly bloated from the Ramen Spree which decimated Iruka-sensei's coin purse. The first step of his Dream had come about, with the next being Team Assignments come Monday. Here he was, still bouncing with excess energy though it was well into the night, some thirty hours after he was approached by Mizuki. He was a third of the way through his Hokage acceptance speech (it never hurt to be prepared) when he suddenly paused in mid stroke before slipping from his chair.

* * *

"The Hell? Where the...urgh, what is this stuff?" Naruto lifted one bare foot from the...well, he guessed it started off as water at some point. Moving his other foot gave a rather disquieting slurking sound. Of all places to be barefoot!

"Hello? Anyone out there?" His words echoed down the slick and dismal halls. With a dejected sigh, as today had been rather full of awesome up until now, he set off down one of the wider tunnels. He figured it had to lead somewhere.

With that thought, he visibly started when he actually found himself somewhere, that being an immense gallery of sorts. He would have thought he was outside somewhere had he not seen a very distant wall. Of course, the predominant feature was the Cage, fully deserving the capital letter. It was huge, the top lost in the fog which obscured the ceiling. What freaked him out the most was the dead silence.

After having heard of the demon in his belly, he half expected there to be a massive demon fox somewhere around here, like in that box. Though the massive gate was still sealed with a paper tag, for all intents it looked like the Cage was rather empty.

**"You're late."**

Naruto spun at the sound of the drab, flat voice, losing his balance and ending up on his rear. He scuttled backwards from the robed...whatever which was hovering over the liquid covered floor. He pointed an accusatory finger at the figure.

"Who the hells are you?"

**"Such insolence. Let us finish this matter that we might be elsewhere."**

Naruto went Squint. "Insoluwhatta?"

**"Rudeness."** The creature opened its hand, in which an open satchel appeared. With the other hand, the entity pulled forth a very tall sheaf of papers. Taking the topmost sheet, the being held it out to Naruto. **"Take this."**

He was instantly wary, or rather, even more wary. "Why? And who the...who are you?"

The...whatever looked at Naruto, or rather the deeply hooded head turned in his direction. **"Ah yes, how very rude of us. Now then, let us find our credentials. Pardon, young sir, but could you hold this for a moment? We need a free hand."**

Naruto, always willing to lend a hand, took the proffered sheet, learning a moment later that he had been tricked. Blood was pulled forcibly from the pores in his fingertips, the liquid slithering over the paper to form his signature. Before he could puzzle out what this meant, the paper was snatched back from him.

**"Well, everything seems to be in order. We'll be taking our leave now and congratulations, young sir, on taking up the mantle as the Sixth Incarnation of Fire. May your time be fulfilling, etcetera and so forth."** The figure started to fade.

Naruto snapped out of his shock and blurted out, "Wait! Who are you and what do you mean?"

The figure paused for a moment. **"We are your Auditors, Namikaze Naruto, fulfilling our duties as outlined in Pub.1506 dash 1395B, Sections 14 and following."**

"Oh...um...thank you. You wouldn't know where a giganormous demonic fox would be, would you? It's supposed to be sealed in me or something."

**"Kyuubi has been suspended, pending evaluation. If there's nothing else, there is some filing which needs our attention."**

Naruto was stunned. This had to be some sort of very very odd dream.

"Um...what exactly am I supposed to do?"

He squirmed as he was pretty darn sure the Auditor was giving him an Iruka Look. **"Your job description has been posted in the Hall of Records for a period of almost thirteen annual filings! That you have not availed yourself to your duties, educational resources or supplemental materials in this time is not our problem."**

Naruto was suddenly alone in a very large room with a very empty cage. He just knew he was going to get blamed for this somehow. _'What a minute...__**Namikaze**__? As in Hokage Namikaze Minato?'_ Naruto promptly fainted in his mindscape at the possible implications.

* * *

He cracked a crusty eye open, feeling some odd roughness on his right cheek. This turned out to be part of his care-worn carpet pressing into his face. Directly in his line of sight, easily seen due to the morning light, was his ink bottle. The stopper was missing though the bottle was upright, so that was a good thing. He gave it no more thought as he picked it up and set it back on the rickety table once he sat up.

Something important, or at least something different, had happened last night, but try as he might he just couldn't grasp the fleeting images of what must have been one very crazy dream. 'Maybe...maybe I should ask Iruka-sensei for some tips or something so I can remember dreams better.'

Namikaze.

That singular name popped in his head, causing him to stumble as he went through his morning routine. Iruka-sensei was probably busy putting the teams together or something, so that left the Old Man. With a determined nod, Naruto wasted no further time, opting to get this over straightaway to free up the rest of his weekend from senseless worry.

Naruto was always one to notice odd things, and one thing he immediately noticed was the different way some of the shopkeepers and pedestrians were looking at him. It was an unfamiliar look, though the closest he could place it would be puzzlement. Shrugging it off, as he tried to do with their more typical looks, he opted for the higher highway. With a few bounded ricochets, he was quickly zipping along the roofline towards the Tower.

* * *

"Hokage-sama, there is an Uzumaki Naruto requesting an audience. What should I tell him?"

_'So early? Well, might as well do this now than later. Hopefully, this will free up some of my day from senseless worry.'_ "Send him in, if you would."

"Hai, Hokage-sama." His receptionist backed out of the doorway, allowing Naruto entrance.

Sarutobi caught himself staring, and quickly recomposed himself. "Good morning, Naruto. To what do I owe the pleasure? Oh, and before I forget, take this form for your Shinobi Register photo."

Naruto started to reach for it, but then snatched his hand back as if stung. A memory of something tickled his brain.

Trying to ignore the smear of blue-ish/black ink which covered a third of Naruto's face and a good portion of his hair, Sarutobi asked, "Is there something the matter, Naruto?"

"Huh? Oh...nu..nothing, Jijii. Just got reminded of something, that's all. Oh...are there any Namikaze's left?"

There was a distinct snapping sound, which turned out to be Sarutobi's pipe, which he had been filling. Most talks with the boy necessitated a significant amount of nicotine. He carefully emptied the bowl onto a sheet of paper, dropped the ruined pipe in the trash, and opened up the topmost righthand drawer. Taking the opportunity to stall and formulate a plausibly ambiguous response, Sarutobi took his time rooting around the pipe-filled drawer. He then took his time repacking his pipe, and tried to light it with a minor Katon technique. Nothing happened.

He raised an eyebrow at that, since for such a mundane E-rank hardly any thought was needed to make it work. Regardless, his pipe-bowl of cherry scented tobacco was smolder-free. He noticed the boy straighten in his periphery.

"Sa...something the matter, Old Man? I don't mind if you smoke, if that's why you stopped or anything."

With that simple declaration, the tobacco in the bowl caught on fire. A lot of fire. The singular gout brushed the ceiling twenty feet above them. Before the Hokage could blink, the bowl was aflame with deep blue flickers coming from the mouthpiece. He quickly dropped it in his waste bin, followed by a hasty Suiton jutsu to fill it with water. He only really began to panic a bit when the water started to boil. This in turn became a slightly stronger emotive when the floor beneath the boiling basket started to char.

Sparing a glance towards his guest, one eyebrow raised of its own accord at how the boy seemed to be pushing himself into the back of his chair, the blood draining from his face causing the ink blotches to stand out much more starkly. Having the feeling that Naruto was somehow responsible, which was nearly always the case when it came to oddities or random chaos, the Hokage cleared his throat.

"Naruto?"

"..s right...he or it was right. Huh? Um...sorry about that, Old Man, guess I zoned out for a sec."

"Naruto, might you know anything about why my waste bin is currently boiling and burning my office floor?"

"...mise you won't get mad?"

"I'm sorry, what was that? I couldn't hear you over the crackles."

"Um...promise you won't get mad? I think you're gonna get mad."

"Try me."

"I dunno. It's not that I don't trust you," Naruto quickly added, "it's just that I just _know_ you're gonna get mad."

"How about you let me be the judge of that, hrm?"

The boy hung his head in resignation. "The Cage was empty, Kyuubi's gone and something called an Adjuster or something tricked me into being a wuzzit of Fire or something, right before whatever it was snapped at me for not reading the manual or whatever and doing the research on this job which I should've done since I was born or something."

* * *

Despite all conventions stating otherwise, the outside of the Hokage Tower did not suddenly become a feather-filled flurry from roosting pigeons taking wing following a disbelieving and highly panicked shout of "What?". As it was, no such sound was heard and the pigeons continued in their slumber.

* * *

It was indeed a good thing that Sarutobi could multitask. Part of his brain was currently very furiously pondering the deeper implications of Naruto's statement, while the rest of his will was bent on levitating the extremely hot and flash-steaming waste bin using pure chakra manipulation. It was currently four feet off the smoldering floor, where a nice symmetrical ring was burned into the chakra treated wood. He really didn't mean for his voice to come out as harsh as it did, though in his defense Sarutobi was a bit preoccupied.

"Naruto!"

The boy's head snapped up, chagrin clearly evidenced on his rather emotive face. "_See?_ I told you you'd get mad!"

"Naru..."

"I just knew it, yanno. I knew I should've gone to Iruka-sensei though he's probably busy. At least he'd be a little understanding about all this instead of shouting at me."

"Na..."

"I mean, sheesh. First the exam, then Mizuki-teme, then the whole demon-inna-belly thing and now this."

"Naruto!"

The boy was jerked from his grousing. "Wha? Oh, sorry Old Man...just thinking out loud and all." A sheepish hand rubbed at the back of his head.

"Yes, yes, that's all well and good, Naruto. Now then, first help me deal with this," he indicated the suspended bin, "and then we'll move on to other matters."

"Oh, you mean make the fire stop?"

"That would be..."

The rest of that statement was drowned out by the sharp crack of thunder as the walls of Sarutobi's chakra containment rushed inwards to fill a sudden vacuum. It shook the office windows, the shockwave disturbing the pile of ash which was the boiling bin right up until the heat was removed. It would seem that the odd fire was the only thing keeping the shape whole.

Sarutobi recovered first, coming around the desk and crouching before Naruto.

"Shirt off now and show me the seal."

Naruto knew an order when he heard one, shucking his jacket and shirt quickly before focusing his intent. Where once there was unblemished toned belly now sported a dark simplistic seal.

"Hard to believe that kept a demon trapped, eh?"

"Though the design may look very simple, do not be fooled Naruto. Each and every line or squiggle is comprised of designs and seals. Think of it like a line design when seen far off, but closer inspection reveals the lines are made up of very small words."

"Whoa..."

Despite the stressful morning, Sarutobi chuckled. "Whoa indeed, Naruto-kun. Minato was a genius when it came to seals."

Naruto's head snapped up from his navel inspection. "Namikaze. They called me Namikaze Naruto."

"Oh? Who's 'they'?"

"Them, the folks from last night."

Sarutobi frowned. "You were visited last night by mysterious people? Why the hell wasn't I informed!"

Naruto slunk back a bit at the outburst. "Um...sorry about that Old Man, but I did tell you. Yanno, inside by the Cage."

"By the empty Cage?"

"Yeah."

"This had better not be a prank, Naruto. I've spent too much time already this morning trying to find the punchline."

Naruto looked scandalized. "I'd never prank about something like that, Jijii. I catch enough crap thanks to that damn fox without adding to it."

"And you're positive the Cage was empty?"

"Pretty sure. I mean, I couldn't even see the top of it, yanno? So how big was the Kyuubi supposed to be anyhows?"

"Several hundred feet at the shoulder."

Naruto gaped, gawked and spluttered. In a small voice, lost in wonder, he said, "Well Old Man, I'm pretty sure I would've noticed that. The man, or whoever, said Kyuubi was gone."

"About that, what else can you tell me?"

"Sorry...it's like a dream, yanno? The details are just out of reach."

"So you merely need a hand to pull those memories up, correct?"

"Yes?"

Sarutobi nodded, more to himself than anything. A quick glance to his guest's face made his decision. Time for some payback.

"You can pull your shirt back on, Naruto. I'll call someone in who can help you pull that dream up." Standing, he moved to the door, opened it briefly, then returned to his desk.

He rooted around in his once-again-opened pipe drawer before finding a non-flammable one, or at least he hoped it was. With practiced ease, he packed the bowl, and with a careful glance at a still stunned Naruto, performed the E-rank fire technique as it should have been from the start. Finally, after so much stress, he could finally get some nicotine.

He glanced back at the boy. _'Surely he knows about the ink...hrmph, knowing Naruto, this is another prank. I just bet he's waiting for me to ask about it, just so he can make me the fool. Just like last week. I'm onto you, Naruto.'_ He grinned around the stem in victory.

* * *

It wasn't often that the Hokage called for her personally. Usually, it was she reporting to him on what she had discovered. She idly drummed her slender fingers on the recently branded buttock in thought. _'Hn...haven't done anything __**too**__ bad lately, so it can't be that. Or that. Or that either. Maybe that one if they found the body. Naw, I highly doubt that. So...maybe a promotion?'_ She visibly brightened at that notion and turned to her guest.

"Alright, kitten," she smacked the exposed buttock and smiled at the muffled scream, "Mommy has to go see her boss for a second. Do you think you can behave yourself? Or perhaps I should leave something to occupy your time. What are your thoughts on this?"

The trussed up Cloud nin rolled his clamped open eye in abject terror, though to his credit he only squealed a little bit.

"I think so too." She smiled cheerfully up at his rictus of basal fright, then reached around him and clamped one of Maito Gai's beginner weights to a dangly bit. "Now you behave well and maybe Mommy will have a nice treat for you when I get back. Now doesn't that sound swell?" She gave him another megawatt grin, turned, and stepped out of the cell.

"Okay you maggots, if I find that any of you have played with my toys, I will personally ensure that Dingo's Dango Hut has a few special skewers in the friers! Do I make myself clear?"

"Ma'am, yes ma'am!"

She grinned at them. "Well, okay then." With a jaunty wave, she Flickered to the Tower's roof before heading down to Sarutobi's receptionist to verify her appointment. She was waved in and opened the office door.

"Your will, Ho...you!"

The reason behind her outburst spun on his feet and pointed an accusatory finger back. "You!"

"What the hell happened to your face?"

"There's nothing wrong with my face you hag!"

"What was that you little stain?"

"So you're deaf _and_ crazy? That's just perfect!"

"Oh, you asked for it this time, you little shit!" A cleared throat managed to reach her right when she hauled the boy up by his neck.

The combatants turned, Anko with her left full of Naruto and her right cocked back for a punch, and Naruto with a chambered kick aimed at her exposed chest.

"As entertaining as this seems, you were called here for another reason, Anko-chan."

She immediately released Naruto, who landed on his back with a grunt of expressed breath, straightened her coat and bowed towards the Hokage. "Your will, Hokage-sama?"

"I need you to help Naruto recover a memory from last night. It should be easy to find and I want a full report, which means I need you to keep focused."

"I understand, Hokage-sama. Okay you, get comfy. This won't hurt a bit, though I'll need you to trust me, just for a little. Think you can manage that?"

Naruto scowled at her as he scrambled up and got back in his chair. He glanced over at Sarutobi and sighed with a nod. "I'm trusting you too, Anko-san. If you hurt me in there, I'm gonna mess you up. My mind, my rules."

Her eyes widened at the threat before she broke out in a grin. "I like you, kid. You got guts. Let's do this then. Kick back, relax, and let Auntie Anko do her thing."

She went through a short chain of seals, touched her index fingers to his temples, and she was sucked into his mindscape. The boy was waiting for her by the Cage.

"The hell? That thing is huge! Wait...shouldn't there be, oh, I don't know...the embodiment of pure malice in fox form or something?"

"I know, right? But it was empty last night. Fellow said Kyuubi was gone."

"Gone? How can a huge thing like that just be gone?"

Naruto gave a half-shrug. "No clue...so what do you need me to do?"

She looked down at him, looked around and said, "Think about what this person said or looked like, or any particular events and the memory should pop right up, since it was from last night."

With her assistance, this was a rather simple task as the memory was projected in front of them. Anko watched intently, then made a motion with her hand. "Rewind just a bit."

"How do I do that?"

"Your mind, remember? Just think it and see what happens. Too far. Advance it just a hair...perfect."

She watched, her grin growing wider. "You so got had! That's classic! The self-proclaimed Prankster King got tricked so _easily_! I can't believe it!" She broke down in braying peals of laughter.

All Naruto could do was scowl in embarrassment. Her laughing at his expense was not the same as her doing something bad to him. It still sucked, regardless.

She finally came up for air and shot him a victory sign. "Oh, I can't wait to let select people know about this. Thank you, Naruto-chan for the early present."

"If you say a single word, I will tell everyone, with the aid of several thousand Shadow Clones, all about your stuffed animal collection, _especially_ the glass-cased ponies."

Anko's face went deathly pale, then slowly went through the hues until she ended up purple with apoplectic rage. One hand snaked out, literally, binding him with several sleeve serpents, which picked him up bodily and brought them nose to nose.

"So...we have a deal?"

Anko paused in the blistering retort she had prepared, and instead asked, "You're a Genin, right? Technically an adult?"

At his confused nod, their noses brushing, she planted one Anko-sized deeply passionate kiss on his unsuspecting lips, the shock of which made his eyes grow comically wide as well as ejecting both of them from his mindscape.

"Aw, you're no fun at all, Naruto-chan. And to think that I was both sealing our deal and paying you a very high compliment. Don't expect another opportunity like that anytime soon, you ingrate."

Naruto could only stare blankly, some two feet to the right of Sarutobi's chair. Anko smirked in victory and turned to her Hokage.

"Would you prefer a written or oral report, Hokage-sama?"

"Oral will suffice. I have a feeling this is something I would not want recorded. Speaking of which..." His elderly yet agile fingers sped through signs, the hidden seals on the walls, ceiling, floor and windows glowing briefly as they were activated. "Please, continue."

"The Cage is empty though the Seal on the door is still intact and undamaged. The being was nondescript, hovered over the floor, and wore a shapeless robe with a deep hood. The creature, which called itself an Auditor, also spoke in first person plural, using 'we,' 'us,' and 'our.' Naruto did sign a contract in blood and the Auditor recognized him as the Sixth Incarnation of Fire. I'm thinking that would mean the Kyuubi was the Fifth Incarnation of Fire, but that is merely conjecture."

"Hmmm...I see. You have provided some very important information, Anko-chan. I will ensure you are properly compensated for your time, and your record will indicate this as a successful B-rank. If there's nothing further..."

"Actually, there is something that's bugging me, Hokage-sama." She glanced at the slightly catatonic teen, then looked to the Hokage touching her cheek and hair. "Does he even know?"

"I am thinking that he does, and that this is some sort of prank which has yet to reach its conclusion. I have no intention of falling for this one."

She grinned and bowed. "I think I'll take the same stance. By your leave, Hokage-sama, I have a Cloud nin that needs my personal touch."

* * *

Naruto would stay in Sarutobi's company until shortly after lunch, the time spent between Anko's departure and Ayame's delivery of ramen testing for Naruto's elemental affinity as well as some of the basics of his newfound powers. The boy seemed to understand that he lacked the control necessary to safely do much more than the pure basics, such as hovering and snuffing out live flames on his fingertips. Fire wasn't his primary though. That was Wind, a very strong affinity in all actuality. The Fire component seemed to have come along with the job description, and coupled with Naruto's Wind affinity made for both elements to be extremely unstable.

His affinities were unstable enough to leave another scorch mark on the ceiling after his Chakra card split violently just prior to combusting. There was enough Wind element present to feed the flames, which resulted in something very much like a golfball size fireball hitting the ceiling at high velocity.

The boy's immediate future, regardless of team placement, would be filled with chakra control and meditative exercises. For his part, Sarutobi taught some basic control methods and made a note to have a research team dive deeper into Incarnations and Auditors. The entity had mentioned books, regulations and the like, so there had to be a way for Naruto to gain access to them. Sarutobi had a feeling in his gut that such would prove to be very important, not just to Konoha, but to all the Elemental Nations.

It was Ayame who brought Naruto's attention to his appearance. His disbelief, since surely the Old Man would've said something, was completely shattered once Ayame searched through her apron pockets until she found her compact, and let Naruto look at his reflection in the small mirror. He turned a horrified look to Sarutobi, who merely grinned around his pipe stem and shot Naruto the victory sign. It was also Ayame who, with a few brief directions, took Naruto into a nearby washroom and did her level best to clean him up.

She had always been sweet like that.

Naruto was too preoccupied to act out much during his photo, despite the design he had created during one of Iruka's more boring lectures: the Red Kabuki Toad. As it was, his photo showed a freshly scrubbed Naruto, thanks to Ayame, who merely gazed at the photographer blankly. He only had to take it once, and his total lack of argument over it meant that he completely missed Konohamaru's assassination attempt by a good half-hour.

The photo was one that Sarutobi was very quick to hide, after he had sent Naruto off with some free ramen vouchers from Ichiraku. The face, except for some roundness around the cheeks, the line of the brow and the whisker marks, was a dead ringer for a teenage Minato. Since the child had been rather sedate when it was taken, the parallels were eerily similar. Sarutobi sighed. He would spend the evening going through other Naruto pictures for one he could use in the Shinobi Register. Him looking like a younger Fourth just wouldn't do.

* * *

**AN:** **Auditors inspiration from Terry Pratchett's Discworld novel, Hogfather.**


	2. Selections and Complications

Disclaimer: Naruto is the property of Kishimoto Masashi.

* * *

Naruto was good at ignoring things he found troubling, or to quote Shikamaru, troublesome. It was a life skill that had saved Naruto time and again from unmitigated migraines and other cerebral conditions. He could ignore damn near anything so long as his own bodily fluids weren't involved and even then, he could manage with a slight disconnect from reality. He was just that skilled in avoidance.

Though Naruto found this to be a very special skill, Iruka-sensei was less than thrilled during the few verbal assessment drills where one had to give a full listing of their skill sets. Not even listing avoidance under stealth or subterfuge would budge the man. Granted, that was before Naruto learned that Iruka-sensei actually liked him. It was therefore completely possible that now, armed with that knowledge, Iruka-sensei would actually see the wisdom in listing avoidance as a bona-fide skill.

Naruto plugged any leaks in his theory by instituting Old and New Irukas. The Old was stodgy and resistant to anything new or fun while the New was open to reason and a prankster as well. Naruto could not reconcile both Irukas being within the same person, so he didn't even bother. Old Iruka and New Iruka were born.

He could also tune things out. This was another skill that Old Iruka just did not like at all. But Old Iruka's dislike did not diminish the importance of this skill, since Naruto was very certain that the ability to tune things out helped him greatly, especially given his social status and the reason behind that, thanks to Mizuki-teme. 'What you don't hear can't hurt you.' was Naruto's stance on that issue, one which had served him well his entire life. There were some caveats, of course. The things 'not heard' were the slurs, remarks, quips and similar. The whistling of displace air from thrown objects were not included in that philosophy.

But here he was, laying in bed this Sunday night, still in shock from earlier in the day. Try as he might, he just could not ignore the scent and touch of Ayame and Anko. Nor could he tune out their heartbeats or the sound of their breath. For some reason, the feel of Anko's lips were giving him the most trouble.

Technically, and from a scholarly viewpoint, he knew what a kiss was. Just like he knew what a hug was. And he knew the various body parts of both genders. What he had not really experienced until earlier were those three things lumped together, some for the very first time. Ayame especially. When she hugged him, he felt bits of her press into him. Her scent of sweat and ramen distracted him to the point where he completely forgot to apply the makeup he had packed for his kabuki face.

A bit before that though had been Anko. He thought for sure she was going to put the hurt on him for that threat of his. He really didn't expect her to react like she had, though the skin color shifts had been interesting. Those snakes zipping out of her overcoat sleeve were super cool too, though it would've been much better had they not constricted around his chest. Despite all her toughness and rugged behavior, her lips had been soft, more smooth than even cooked noodles, and when he felt something wet flick against his lower lip...

* * *

_'Buh? Ah great, I'm back in here. Wonderful.'_

Naruto glanced around the enormous room, idly noting that the murky water seemed a bit lower than it was the first time he was here. In fact, where he stood was dry stone. The air, though he couldn't quite understand how there was air in here to begin with, even smelled better. Cleaner, without any of the damp musk.

The Cage was still rather empty, which was odd. From what the Old Man had said, the seal on his body was still functioning as it should, and he could see the seal upon the gate whole and unmarked. Looking around, he still saw the red, blue and purple pipes, intuitively reaching the conclusion that those were his chakra pathways. That meant the seal was still processing the Kyuubi's chakra, just that the Kyuubi wasn't around to see its chakra get siphoned off.

Regardless, he knew that if that damn fox showed up somewhere and started with the chaos again, he would be the one blamed. He just knew it.

Of course, the problem now was how to get out of here. The first time, he had fainted, but he wasn't quite sure if he could pull that off again. The shock of hearing someone call him by the Fourth's family name had worn off a bit. The other time...oh, yes, the other time had been when...Anko...

Speaking of Anko, she had said something about how to pull up memories, so maybe if he pulled up...well, there it was. Now the question was how to make the memory kick him out of his mindscape. He played it over a few times, his fierce blush flushing his cheeks and creeping towards his collarbones, before deciding something in classic Naruto fashion.

Since he had been ejected from here due to the shock of Anko's kiss, and since he was also featured in the memory of said kiss, if he were to become the remembered Naruto receiving the kiss, then he too would be kicked out of his mindscape. Nodding to himself at his amazing leaps of logic, he put his plan into action. Seeing how this was his first run, and just a bit cautious in case doing this messed with his head, he chose to pause the memory right before the liplock.

Then, with careful motions, he stepped into the image of himself in his shown memory and resumed the playback.

* * *

The first indication of success was the feel of his slightly pungent sheets and the acrid scent of smoke.

"Yatta! It worke...wait...smoke? Aaaaaah! Shit...fire!"

Though now highly panicked, Naruto Switched with his clothes hamper with the total conservation of motion and chakra which would have had Iruka-sensei beaming in pride. Sadly, wicker proved to be not that resilient against primordial flame. Even the ashes burned.

Naruto's thoughts raced at a frantic speed. He just knew he was going to get blamed for this, and it would only be worsened if the fire spread. Against all reason and logic, the fire did just that, leaping from the bed to the ceiling.

"Not good, not good...shitshitshit...ah, yes! That super cool jutsu the Old Man did to make water! It was...went like...um...not good! Shit, need something to stop the...huh?"

He was temporarily blinded by the afterimages of brilliant flame as all of them were snuffed out simultaneously. The only indication there had been a fire at all was the burned mattress, the scoring on the ceiling, and the overwhelming scent of smoke and char. There wasn't even any residual heat. Naruto's flesh prickled at the possible implications, but it proved too deep for his mind to handle, the thought collapsing like icicles in a thaw. Maybe Iruka-sensei...he glanced at his heat-warped clock, which amazingly was still working, and rejected that notion. Iruka-sensei had most likely spent the entire weekend worrying over trifling details with the team assignments. Even Naruto understood the man was prone to second-guessing himself.

He cast his eyes towards the clock again. It was going on 03:00, which stunned Naruto in a way, as he hadn't really expected to be trapped in his head that long. However, given the time, he was fairly certain that the Old Man was in his office. His job protecting all of Konoha meant he kept long hours and slept little. Naruto, desiring this job, had instituted a regime of forced sleep deprivation some years ago, which he still kept up. At best, he would get four hours of sleep before starting his training routine. The many instances of him falling asleep during class didn't count.

But first, breakfast. With all due haste, he bathed and dressed in what he had left, seeing how his dirty clothes which had actually landed inside the hamper were little more than soot at this moment, and was out of his apartment by 04:00. Within moments he was seated at Ichiraku's and happened upon a dilemma.

Said dilemma was Ayame. Well, not at first. But when Naruto saw Ayame, after placing his order for two chicken, three beef, and two seafood super-sized ramen bowls, along with two hard boiled eggs and a side of four pickles, he blushed at the remembered contact. At his blush, Ayame blushed, but not for the same reasons. She had always found the boy cute, and him looking at her like that, like nobody else had ever done before, lit her fifteen year old cheeks aflame. This only made Naruto's blush deepen, which, in turn, caused Ayame's to intensify.

Throughout the entire ordeal, not a word was spoken until shortly after Naruto had inhaled his breakfast without shifting his eyes from a very pink Ayame. She, in turn, had managed the same throughout the slicing and dicing of the day's ingredients without breaking eye contact. The one who broke the uneasy silence was Teuchi, who gruffly cleared his throat, after witnessing the non-verbal volleys and asked Naruto rather bluntly, "Do you have something you need to ask of me as her father?"

Naruto quickly paid his tab and fled.

* * *

Having escaped something he knew would be rather troublesome, Naruto quickly found himself before the Tower's entrance, looking up at one of the guards he knew, and another he did not. One kind of glared, while the other smirked around his hanging bangs.

"What ya want, brat?"

Naruto frowned. "I need to see the Hokage."

"Why am I not surprised."

"Seriously, I need to see the Hokage."

"Really?"

"Really."

"And why should I, the person you caused to get two weeks of extra gateguard duty, help you?"

"You can't prove anything!"

"I don't need to prove anything. You're still not getting through here until tonight."

"What? That'll be too long!"

"Well, that's too bad. You're fresh from the Academy, right? So that means team placements. I know who your team captain is, and odds are you aren't going to get out of there until at least 19:00."

"What? Lies!"

"I could really care less what you think, Uzumaki-san," Izumo said airily. "Anyone who switches the Main Gate's inkwells for invisible ink which smells of ox urine when heated deserves no help from me, who was pulling detail at that time and got several weeks added due to 'incomplete reports.' I don't owe you squat."

During this time, the other guard was content to merely scowl at Naruto, knowing that if he said anything, he would most likely break the Sandaime's Law. Being this close to the Hokage, at his front door, so to speak, such would not be the wisest course of action.

Naruto chuckled and rubbed the back of his head. "Oh, come on, you gotta admit that was pretty cool, right? Do you know how long it took to make invisible ink from lemon juice which stank like anything once heated?"

Despite himself, Izumo chuckled. "Yeah, yeah, it was crafty alright, but you're still not getting in without a very good reason."

"I have a good reason, believe it!"

"Oh?"

Naruto glanced around, then patted his belly twice, surreptitiously. Both of the chuunins' eyes went wide.

"How much of that is the reason?"

"A bit. Perhaps a bit more than a bit."

"I see. Go on in. He's busy, but this seems important."

"Thanks Izumo-san. I'll see what I can do to get that punishment lifted, eh?"

Naruto made to move past them, but found his way blocked by Taka. In a moment of rare insight, Naruto simply bowed formally and wished his family well. After a brief hesitation, Taka moved aside and let Naruto pass. After a moment, he was hit in the chest with a scroll.

"What is the meaning of this, Izumo?"

"What, you can't catch a simple kunai?"

"It's not a kunai, you idiot."

"Are you sure? There's a kunai inside the scroll, so wouldn't that make it a kunai?"

Taka, despite himself, understood the question and silently scowled. He was having enough problems overlaying the teenager who bantered with his partner with the pure embodiment of evil and fire.

* * *

"Hokage-sama, an Uzumaki Naruto is here to see you."

Sarutobi felt a sense of déjà-vu and quickly prepared a lit pipe, just in case. "This is a bit earlier than normal, but send him in."

Within moments, an uncharacteristically quiet Naruto was standing at attention. And then he bowed which led to Sarutobi forming Genjutsu Dispellations below the desk.

"Hokage-sama, I, Uzumaki Naruto, do ask that Izumo-san and Kotetsu-san be forgiven. I was the one who swapped the ink."

"You did that? Why tell me this now, Naruto?"

"I told Izumo-san I would, and I never go back on my word. That's my nindo!"

Sarutobi just had to smile at that. "I see. Are you quite willing to deal with the consequences of your actions."

To his credit, Naruto only hesitated for a second or two before nodding. "I am, Hokage-sama."

"Very well. Uzumaki Naruto, you are here-by sentenced to two weeks of policing duty, meaning you will patrol the grounds around the Main Gate between the hours of 19:00 and 21:00 and will pick up any and all litter you do happen to see. Is this understood?"

"Hai, Hokage-sama."

"Now that that business is out of the way, what was the real reason you came here, Naruto?"

"Um...I'm not quite sure how to put this, Old Man."

"Try me."

_'Damn him and his Grandfather no Jutsu!'_ "Um...I had a...how should I put this? A...noctu...night...something which happened when I was in bed."

"Oh? Something which happened while you were in bed? Do you mean a 'nocturnal occurrence'?"

"Wuzzat?"

"It's something that happens to you at night while you sleep."

"Maybe?"

"Naruto, has anyone given you the Talk?"

"The Talk?"

"Yes, the Talk."

"What's the Talk?"

Sarutobi sighed, pinched the bridge of his nose and took a rather long drag from his pipe. It was rather too early in the morning for this...discussion. "The sexual education talk, Naruto."

"Wha? I'm _**not**_ a pervert, Old Man!"

"This has nothing to do with that, Naruto."

"But you said 'sex.' "

The elder statesman felt the sudden urge to palm his face. "Perhaps you are confused, Naruto. Sex Ed has very little to do with actual sexual acts, but rather the bodily processes and shapes behind each gender, the things which make men and women both different and compatible."

"Oh. Really?" he asked, his voice thick with suspicion.

"Really."

"Oh! Well...this has nothing to do with that!"

Sarutobi's long-sufferance was wearing a bit thin, as this was a bit too early on _any_ morning to be having this type of discussion, especially with Naruto.

Naruto received the sigh with slight indignation. "Hey Old Man, I know plenty about that stuff!"

"Oh really?" the elder drawled out.

"Believe it!. Oiroke no Jutsu!"

* * *

"So, you need a new bed, you say?"

"Pretty much. I'm not quite sure what happened, but when I woke up, my sheets were on fire. And then the hamper went 'foomph!' right after that."

"A clothes hamper as well?"

"Well, yeah...it was sooooo cool, Old Man. No seals, no words, just BAMPH and we swapped places."

Sarutobi sighed. He just knew this wasn't the total tally.

"I think I'm gonna need some new clothes also. I think I lost about a week's worth."

"And that leaves you with?"

"About another week. Maybe." Naruto saw Sarutobi's brow crease and interjected before the man could ask his next question. "I know how it goes, Old Man. You could load me down with cash and it still wouldn't make a lick of difference. I can only get what they sell me, nothing more."

"This will be my treat, Naruto. Come by Supply after your Team Placements and we'll get you fitted. Was there anything else?"

Naruto thought for a moment. "A clock. The old one works, but I'm not sure for how long. It's kinda droopy and sorta melted."

Sarutobi made a mark on his list, thankful that both of them had deftly avoided any mention of what transpired after Naruto's infamous henge. "Speaking of clocks, you're late."

"Bwah! No way! Shi..."

"Language, Naruto."

"...crap! Oh! There was that super cool swirling leaf vanishing thingy that went like, the seals were...crap! Iruka-sensei's gonna be pissed!"

In a rare moment, perhaps considering everything that he knew he had put the boy through, thanks to his laws and edicts, Sarutobi took the role of teacher. "The seals go like this," he said as he formed them slowly. "Then you picture in your mind your destination and then picture that same destination with you in it."

"Really? Way cool! You're the best, Hokage-jijii! Shunshin no Jut..."

* * *

Usually, an incoming Body Flicker was easy to spot thanks in large part to the expressed chakra signal. In this case, there was just so much of the stuff that it was almost impossible to pinpoint the precise landing zone. It was only due to his reflexes and teacher's intuition that Iruka was able to avoid being caught up in Naruto's entrance. For his part, the boy appeared in a massive swirl of burning leaves and chalk dust momentarily, before slamming into the far wall at speed.

Iruka resisted the pull to palm his face as he went to aid his student. Someone had taught Naruto the Body Flicker, and Naruto had obviously made the same beginner mistake that everyone else had made. There was a groan in the cloud of settling dust as cracks raced up the plastered surface.

"Naruto? Are you alright?"

"Iruka-sensei? You mean I made it? Yatta!" Naruto cheered from where he sat, and with a helping hand from Iruka was pulled to his feet. He whirled and pointed at the brooding Uchiha. "In your **face**, Sas-douche-ke!

The only indication the dark haired boy had heard Naruto was a slight tightening around the eyes.

"Don't go calling Sasuke-kun names, you idiot!"

"But Sakura-ch.."

"And don't call me Sakura-chan! You, of all people, will never have that right!"

"That was the Shunshin, and it's wasn't taught to us. Where did you learn it, Naruto?"

Though Naruto knew it was phrased as a question, he could clearly hear the demand. He smirked in answer.

"Wouldn't you like to know," he chided in a sing-song voice.

"That's why I'm asking, dead-last. Who taught you that?"

Naruto deflated a bit. "That's none of your business, asshat."

"Don't call Sasuke-kun names, Naruto-baka!"

"But Saku..."

"Don't call me that either. If you must address me, use Haruno-san."

Naruto stared at his pink haired crush of many years. He could vividly recall the strange sensations which had occurred this past weekend, and tried to place Sakura in that mold mentally. She just wouldn't mesh, since Naruto's subconscious kept pulling up every single instance of physical brutality since they had first been placed in the same classroom.

A movement on his periphery drew his eyes to the bluish-black head of Hinata, whose cheeks darkened the moment they made eye contact. Socially estranged though he may have been, Naruto had also been introduced to certain positive concepts recently. She was looking at him and blushing. He wasn't quite sure how he felt about that, though recalling all the times when he thought she had a fever... Unknown to him, his cheeks had tinted just a bit with embarrassment over his stupidity.

Hinata had seen his pinkened cheeks and reached a different conclusion. _'He likes me! He noticed!'_ There was a thump as Hinata slid from her seat. Once Naruto saw the ever-quiet Shino turn towards the fallen girl, he shifted his eyes back to Sakura.

"You know what, Haruno-san, whatever. I could really care less about what you think. I can also think of several other people to grant my attention and affection."

She snorted in disdain. "You? Who in their right mind would want _you_?"

Naruto scowled. "I wasn't talking about that, Haruno, but about nicer people. Even Hinata-chan," he hadn't noticed that the girl in question had revived, "is loads nicer than you. I like her scads more than you," there was another thump as a glowing Hinata slid back to the floor. "She doesn't hit me outside of spars, never says anything mean to anyone, and is super smart and pretty. Smells good too."

Sakura's face darkened in anger. "Are you saying I don't?"

"Well...whatever, yanno? I mean, the way the bastard there keeps moving away whenever you get too close, either you stink or he's gay."

During this exchange, the rest of the class, with the exception of Hinata and Sasuke, had watched in morbid fascination at the accident in the making. They all knew Naruto was going to get thumped. That was a foregone conclusion. They never would have dreamed, however, that it would be due to his standing up to Sakura.

Iruka was stunned. Naruto pining and whining after Sakura had been a constant for years, so his words and tone came as a shock. He was snapped out of his stupor when the rest of the class howled in laughter as Sakura launched herself at the boy. He moved quickly, locking her arms in a Half-Nelson before pulling her off bodily. She did manage to land one final hard kick to the boy's ribs before Iruka's angry tone cut through her rage.

"Haruno, stand down!"

That paused her and forced the rest of the room into silence. None too gently, he hauled her to the side of his desk and growled out, "Wall squat, knees at ninety! You will hold that position until I say otherwise!"

She was quick to comply.

Iruka grimaced and pressed a call button. "I need two assistants with a stretcher. I have a downed Genin in room 212A." He pinched the bridge of his nose, cast a scathing look at Sakura, and picked up his list which he had dropped when Naruto made his entrance. "As for the rest of the team assignments..."

He stared at the just announced Team 7 and groaned. He knew he shouldn't have second guessed himself. He had though. Second guessed, along with a third and fourth, ultimately placing Naruto on a team with hateful partners. Nothing for it now though, as the list had already been approved by both Council houses. _ 'Sorry about this, Naruto.'_ "Team 8 will consist of Aburame Shino, Inuzuka Kiba and Hyuuga Hinata under Jounin-sensei Yuuhi Kurenai. Team 9 is still in rotation. Team 10 will consist of..."

While listing Team 15, there was a knock at the door, which was subsequently slid open.

"Ah, Kotetsu and...Kotetsu?"

"Earth clone."

"Ah. Right. He's right over there. Be careful, as he may have some broken bones."

"Who's the squib?"

"Uzumaki."

"Oh? Interesting."

"Is there a problem?"

"Huh? Naw, in fact the little guy got one of my punishments lifted earlier, so he's good in my books. I'll see if I can't have him back here by the end of lunch. Who all is on his team, so I can tell him?"

Iruka silently pointed at the two other Genin.

"And she's doing the Chair for this?" He tilted his head to the boy now on the stretcher.

Iruka nodded and pinched the bridge of his nose.

"Wow...this just ain't your year, is it Naruto. Ah well, let's get this done. Have a good one, Iruka. You're always welcome to join us for drinks later."

"I think I'll take you up on that offer this time."

* * *

Sakura was sitting on a bench outside, silently fuming at her public embarrassment thanks to that idiot. 'It was all his fault!' she snarled internally. Her inner self agreed vehemently. She stabbed her sticks viciously into her bento with one hand, while rubbing her abused thighs from the Chair with the other.

"Haruno-san?"

She whipped her head around, her long pink locks gracefully flowing behind the motion.

"Ah, Hinata. What can I do for you?"

"Ano...Ha-Haruno-san, I would li-like you to apo-apo-apologize to Naruto-kun."

Sakura stood and balled her fists at her side. "Iruka-sensei put you up to this, didn't he. I'll do no such thing, Hinata, as it was that fool's fault that this happened. He deserved everything he got."

"It...it wasn't Iruka-sensei."

"You then? Ha! Sorry Hinata, but not going to happen." Sakura paused in mid-gloat. "Don't think you can make me, either. We both know you lost every single spa..." For some reason, Sakura found it hard to breath and had lost control of her arms."

"I'm really, re-really sorry about this, Haruno-san, but you are within range of my Divination."

Hinata being a conscientious soul, made sure to inform a teacher of Sakura's location, where said girl would spend the rest of the day in the hospital recovering.

* * *

The first reports to land on the Hokage's desk had to do with a sudden gas leak. He currently had several teams checking for those and shutting off lines when needed. It turned out not to be a leak, per se; rather, the gas ranges and stoves in the residential areas had snuffed themselves out, leaving the unlit gas to fill the buildings.

Soon after that, reports were coming from the markets and commercial areas, especially bakers and restaurants. It would seem that they too had lost their heating source. The next reports came from shinobi, those who had not been scouring the city for gas leaks. They reported something odd, something which was familiar to Sarutobi. Fire techniques were no longer functioning properly.

Seal precision did not matter. Shouting the technique to gain focus did not matter. Strong elemental affinities did not matter. Despite all attempts, the only things produced were splutter and a held pose.

By the time the smiths and farriers were complaining about coal not burning, Sarutobi was linking the dots. He had even sent a runner to the Academy to check on Naruto, going with a hunch.

The greatest hue and cry came from the public baths, steam rooms, and thermal spas. The water was getting cold and steam no longer wafted across the surfaces. Probing proved that the magma was still there, and also showed that the molten rock, while not cooling, wasn't heating either.

Even matches failed to ignite.

It was like a switch had been flipped.

Right when Sarutobi, the vaunted Professor, was about to announce his theory, it all came back on. Thankfully, houses and businesses had been opened up to vent the pent up gas, as all the flames, fires and heat sources all started working again at the same time.

* * *

In a dimly lit room, Naruto woke up and gripped his head.

"Hey, steady there. Here...figured you might be out for a bit, so I picked you up something to eat. Hope you're cool with Mongolian Beef Ramen."

"Ko...Kotetsu-san? You did that for me?"

"Yup. Heard you got something dropped for me, so we're even, right?"

Naruto picked up his sticks slowly, offered his blessing, and took the first bite. Kotetsu could have sworn the boy's face lit up.

"Better than even, Kotetsu-san. You and Izumo are now on my No Prank list...well, unless you two do something first that is." He grinned at the older teen.

"Oh, sorry about your team, man."

"Huh? Ah, yeah...I came in a bit too late for that, I guess."

"Well, you're on Team 7. Hatake Kakashi is your Jounin-sensei, so that's good. But your teammates..." Kotetsu sighed. He couldn't even fathom being on a team where the other members hated him. "The rest of your team is Uchiha Sasuke and Haruno Sakura. Sorry kid. After the Chuunin Exams in a few months, if things don't improve, you can always request a team transfer at that time or can register as a Floater."

"What's that?" The ramen was super good and very spicy, which served to perk up Naruto's mood. He was far from thrilled with being on this team.

"A Floater is someone not tied to one team. They usually act as fill-ins on other teams when one or more members are absent due to illness, injury, death or family affairs. I wouldn't push for it right now. You understand why, right?"

"Yeah...field experience." This answer got his hair tousled.

"Absolutely correct. You're a good kid, Naruto. I'm gonna head out, but feel free to kick back here if you want. Hatake is late to almost everything, so you got at least two hours before he shows up. Just keep an eye on the clock and you'll do fine."

* * *

Naruto was thankful for the advice once he sidled into 212A after a good two hour nap. True, he may heal quickly thanks to the Kyuubi, even if the fox was no longer inside of him, but it still took a bit out of his body. He had learned a while back to always take a good nap after a heavy healing.

Looking around, he was very thankful for the advice, as the only other person in the room was glaring at him sullenly.

"What?"

"You're late."

"Is Sensei here then?"

There was a pause. "No."

"Then I'm not late, you're just early. So, early bird, how long have you been waiting?" The flickering eyebrow gave the answer. "Wait...do you mean to tell me that the genius has been here the entire time? Did you not bother to research the eligible Jounin-senseis?"

"Did you?" the boy snapped back.

"Of course I did," Naruto smoothly lied. "Hatake is at least two hours late to almost everything. I show up two hours late, and he's still not here. Way to use that brain of yours, Rookie of the Year." Naruto flashed the sign of victory and moved to the upper tier. He had no desire to sit anywhere close to the little prick.

The silence lasted all of five minutes before the Uchiha stated, in question form, "Where's Sakura? I would have at least expected _her_ to be punctual."

"I have no clue whatsoever. If memory serves, she clocked me a good one and put me in the infirmary for the past few hours. That's the real reason I was late, Sasuke."

"Did you really research Hatake or was that bull?"

Naruto grinned. "If he's true to form, he'll show up within the next hour."

Naruto could see the Uchiha seethe at being one-upped when Hatake poked his head in the class not twenty minutes later.

* * *

"So...shouldn't there be a third member?"

"Hn."

"Well, that was helpful. You know, blondie?"

"Sorry Sensei. The third person is Haruno. Since she's the one to put me in the infirmary, I really wasn't able to keep tabs on her. I was a bit preoccupied with being injured."

'Haruno? His report said he was stupidly crazy for the girl, and now it's Haruno?'

"Well, I guess we should hold off on introductions until tomorrow. Maybe later."

"You could always ask the Hokage. I'm sure he'd know; he knows _everything_."

Hatake gave the blond an eyesmile, or that's what Naruto thought it might be. He had never seen an eyelid curve quite like that before.

"In any case, here's a flier for your next assignment. The Field Test."

"Field Test? You mean where we actually test our skills instead of a pointless paper quiz?"

"Hn."

"Why yes. Be warned that there's a very high failure rate, and that I've yet to pass a team."

"What?"

"Oh yes. All the priors just didn't have that special something. I wonder, will you? Guess we'll find out, eh? Training Ground 13, by the Memorial. I wouldn't eat breakfast if I were you either, unless you really like throwing up." With a jaunty wave, the blue cyclops Flickered away.

The two boys sat there on the roof for a bit longer.

"Guess I should be going as well. See ya; I'd rather do than smell ya! Shunshin no Jutsu!"

Sasuke was left alone on the roof, clenching his fist and very angry.

* * *

"Hiashi-sama is here to see you, Hokage-sama."

"Very good. Send him in please. His preference is green tea with a small pat of fresh butter."

"Hai, Hokage-sama. This way, Hiashi-sama."

The austere man bowed his thanks and took the offered chair.

"You wished to speak with me, Hokage-sama?" Though Hiashi had very few peers, the Hokage position was a constant. That chair would always be just slightly higher than his own.

"There are a few matters. Did you know that your daughter attacked another Genin?"

"Hanabi has done no such thing."

"The other daughter, Hiashi. I have here a report that a person, who appeared to be Hinata, did assault the person of Haruno Sakura after some words were exchanged. I have taken the liberty of gathering Hinata's statement."

"Hinata? This is patently absurd. It must have been an impost..."

"She used the 64 Palms. I quote, 'I'm really, really sorry about this, Haruno-san, but you are within range of my Divination.' The few observers then lost track of her hands, stating that they were mere blurs before she stopped suddenly at 63. I have here that she had vocalized every strike. Why not the last one, Hiashi?"

The large man sighed and took a sip of his tea. "The final strike is usually a killing blow, targeting either the forehead or heart. Are you positive it was her?"

"Quite. She was rather upset about the entire ordeal. She saw Haruno deal grievous violence upon someone she admired, and later asked that the offender apologize to the injured. According to Hinata, Sakura insinuated that she was weak, since Hinata had thrown every single sparring match so she wouldn't end up gravely injuring or killing someone. This was in addition to Sakura patently refusing to apologize for anything."

"I see. I had not expected her to know that technique, given her abysmal performance. Those were the only reasons?"

"Well, there is one more, but she was very vague. The injured party in question had not only recognized her, but had also accepted Hinata's attention."

"What? That...that makes no sense, Hokage-sama."

"Emotions rarely make sense, Hiashi, or have you forgotten that."

Hiashi scowled. "Since it was a slight upon the clan, what is the clan's punishment? Both were technically Genin, which means the crime falls under your jurisdiction."

"Astute as always, Hiashi. The punishment is this: you will train someone of my choosing in chakra control."

The other man spluttered uncharacteristically. "What?"

"As I said, I need someone trained in chakra control. Due to your clan's taijutsu, most Hyuugas are very perfectionistic when it comes to chakra control. Some would say anally so. Which means your clan has many methods of teaching chakra control. The 'normal' methods will not work with this person, as even at his age his reserves rival those of most Jounin. With a little more training, his reserves would brush both mine and yours."

"Might I know the name of this person? You used male pronouns, so I'm assuming a male."

"Uzumaki Naruto."

"I refuse!"

"This is not a trifling matter, Hiashi. Naruto learning to control his massive reserves is imperative, not just to this village but to this country. Quite possibly all countries. Please, as a favor from an old friend. I'd rather not make this an order."

Hiashi groaned and gazed at his tea. Leave it to Sarutobi to call up a blood debt. "Is it really that dire?"

"Before I can answer that question, I need a blood oath. Yes, it is that important."

Despite the subject matter, Hiashi was intrigued. He knew the boy's parentage and situation. The latter had been discussed freely in closed quarters. But for Sarutobi to require a blood oath? Taking a moment to consider, he pulled out a kunai and slit his palm. "I, Hyuuga Hiashi, do hereby swear upon my ancestors and family name that your secrets will be guarded."

He was not expecting his cut to glow blue.

"Sealed and accepted, Hiashi-sama. Naruto no longer holds the Kyuubi..."

"What? It's loose?"

"Silence! You did not let me finish, Hiashi. Naruto no longer holds the Kyuubi, and has taken the Kyuubi's place as the Incarnation of Fire. It is of utmost importance that he learn to control his chakra."

Hiashi was stunned by the magnitude of that statement. Taking a moment to compose himself, he asked, "By Incarnation you mean...?"

"The Embodiment of Fire. I wasn't sure before, but after this afternoon, when fire and flame ceased to heat or burn, I was convinced. That period was during the time when Naruto was unconscious. I'll have to test him to see if normal sleep has the same affect, but I really don't think it does. He stated he slept last night, but the candles still burned.

"One of the few good things to come out of this afternoon's episode was a heightened sense of religious endeavor, as many paid homage to our fallen to perpetuate the Will of Fire. Their attention, though lauded, was a bit misplaced given their view of the one truly responsible. What I need is for him to be trained so that he doesn't accidentally set off another inferno."

"Another inferno?"

"Yes. The first one, at least that we know of, occurred in his bedroom. It was not something he planned nor wanted, as the fire consumed his bed and half of his clothes after he Switched with a hamper. It would not be a good thing if his emotions got out of whack and his dismal control of his chakra reacted. He could either burn this village to the ground, or 'turn off' fire across the world. We would be thrown back bodily into an earlier time, prior to the Age of Steel. So please, train the boy in chakra control."

Hiashi was a serious man, considered such even among the Hyuuga. He knew grim, and the grim visage on the Hokage's face even gave him pause.

"As...as a favor, Sarutobi-sama, I will ensure this boy is trained."


	3. Will of Fire

Disclaimer: Naruto is the property of Kishimoto Masashi.

* * *

Naruto was awake and going through his morning routine. He found, through some trial and error, that he could control his water temperature, which was a super bonus! Cold showers in the winter, when the water actually felt thick, were not fun. At all.

With one more glance at his new clock, he opened his door and screamed.

A slender dark eyebrow was raised.

"That wasn't very polite, Uzumaki-san."

"Gah!" Naruto fell back into his apartment, scrabbling for cover. "Who the hells are you?"

The thin lips quirked downward for all of a moment. "Your escort, Uzumaki-san. Hiashi-sama is expecting you. He has been tasked with teaching you chakra control, and does not like to be kept waiting."

"Wait...you mean with the Hyuuga?"

The man stared at Naruto with his pale eyes, set in a pale face, framed by dark colored hair which fell to his waist. Naruto scrubbed the back of his head in embarrassment.

"Yeah, I guess so eh? So..um, we should be going?"

* * *

The grounds were breathtaking. The gardens beautiful. Even the pebble and sand filled expanses had swirls and designs, often around slightly larger rocks, which was very peaceful and harmonious. There was also something...off about all this.

The exterior wall was pristine and very white. The same went for the towers and buildings. Sure, it would gleam like a gem during the day...but Naruto was still reminded of something else.

Had he ever visited a museum, he might have grasped the concept sooner. As it was, his closest association was the hospital, only prettier. There was a cold precision to everything, and Naruto suspected this even extended into the homes within the Hyuuga Compound. His guess would not be far off.

As adept as Naruto was at ignoring things, even he had to acknowledge the rather blunt message even the landscape proclaimed: it was all about the control.

They controlled their chakra. Their taijutsu was all about controlled and precise motions, as well as controlling the opponent's body. They controlled the battle field and board room. They controlled their environment and attempted to control nature as well. One side of the family controlled the other.

It wasn't all bad, though Naruto had the suspicion that everything which was enjoyable to behold was by design, with the reminder that such was only to be observed, never touched. From his brief glimpses as he was led through the various gardens, this seemed to extend into personal interactions. Everyone had this invisible buffer called 'Don't Touch,' which was odd to watch from a distance. Members would group loosely, sort of hovering around each other while repelled by the buffers.

Coming from no family or clan, and seeing something like that within a clan...it was a jarring experience. He would have several of these this morning.

He was silently led to the back portion of the extensive estate, where the more utilitarian buildings existed. Even the smith and slaughterhouse had a sense of perfection about them, almost as if form trumped function.

Outside a cluster of outbuildings, Hiashi was waiting calmly on a bench before a small firepit. Naruto was brought before the seated leader, and cued by his escort to greet the man politely. Hiashi nodded his head in return and ground out, "Thank you, Hadiki. You are dismissed. Uzumaki, sit. I will instruct you."

"Do you know why you are here?"

"Um...something about training?" He saw the man's brow crease. "Um, Hiashi..sama?"

Hiashi nodded. "Hokage-sama has informed me of your...issues with fire. Ignite only the wood in the firepit, nothing else."

"Um...right now? Uh, Hiashi-sama?"

"Yes, right now."

Naruto was already a little bit nervous. This increased exponentially when he saw thick spidery veins pop out around the older man's eyes. The way the moonlight washed over his face was just, well, it was downright creepy.

**"FrroooomPH!"**

Naruto could see Hiashi's face quite clearly now, which showed the man was angry at something. _'Where's that light coming from any...oh shit.' _ Naruto slowly turned, seeing the inferno which used to be a pruning shed.

"Uzumaki! Is that what I ordered you to do?"

"Na..na.."

"Well? Put it out!"

"Ra...right! Um, Hiashi-sama!" The inky early morning rushed in to fill the void as the light fled. Shortly, there were shouts of dismay coming from one of the annexes.

"Uzumaki." Hiashi was beginning to get a headache. "How many fires did you put out?"

"Uh, um...this one? Hiashi-sama?"

He pinched the bridge of his nose. "Uzumaki, I want you to concentrate. Focus your mind. And turn back on all the fires except, _except_ for the smoking building behind you. Do you think you can manage that?"

"Ha...Hai, Hiashi-sama!"

Hiashi snapped his fingers, summoning one of the servants. The fifth cousin, once removed, bowed at the waist. "Status report?"

"Hiashi-dono, the ovens are back on in the bakery and the tertiary kitchens. Also, the smithy is..."

"Pause." Hiashi stood and slowly turned his head to the right and saw the soft orange glow coming from that building's open doorway. "Uzumaki?"

"Ha...hai, Hiashi-sama?"

The tall and very serious man turned his full attention back to the boy, looming over him as he slightly bowed. Naruto was thankful he had at least turned off his vein-eye thingy.

"Are you purposely testing me, Uzumaki?"

"Na..na.."

Hiashi tilted his head, as if observing something puzzling. "Do I make you nervous, Uzumaki?"

"Ha..ha..."

"Well? Answer me, boy!"

Hiashi, though currently the Hyuuga Clan head, was also listed as a Jounin, retired. It was those skills and reflexes, as he religiously kept up on his Jyuuken training, which saved him from injury when the firepit he had been leaning over erupted in a pillar of flame. However, his jerking back suddenly meant that something else was swept forward.

The air was filled with a sudden stink.

"U. Zu. Ma. Ki."

"I'm re...re...sooo sorry, Hiashi-sama!" The fire had returned to a more normal size, given the quantity of wood which was left in the small stone ring. The other pieces fell around them.

Hiashi stared at the wilted and singed ends of his hair, his illustrious hair. He began to level his fiercest glare upon the boy, but quickly changed his mind. He understood the brat was already high-strung. The last thing he wanted was for another building to catch fire. The only consolation was that it was only the tips to be burnt, and not his eyebrows.

"You," he leveled a thick finger at the boy, "will stay here, and only here, for the next four hours. You will stop the fire in the smithy. You will stop this fire, and then restart it for one hour. You will then practice making the flames larger and smaller. I expect to see a marked improvement come tomorrow morning."

"Bu..."

"A breakfast will be provided, of course."

"Bu...Hiashi-sama...I have the Genin field test today."

"Who is your sensei?"

"Hatake Kakashi, Hiashi-sama!"

"I see. Yes, you will stay here for the next four hours." His raised hand forestalled any protest. "I have worked with the man before, Uzumaki. With very few exceptions, he will always be at least two hours late to everything. If you have an exam at seven, odds are he will not show up until ten. Even keeping you here until eight or nine would still give you time to clean up, if needed, and still arrive with fifteen minutes to spare. That is if you do not dawdle."

Hiashi turned, before casting one last imperious glance at Naruto. "I will send someone to observe. Do not waste my time or hospitality."

* * *

Naruto was left alone, well, at least technically, as he called forth his chakra in an attempt to get a better feel for how much was too much. He would never have an issue with 'not enough.' He let his mind wander as his surroundings flickered from the small fire being doused and lit with very little thought.

_'It's not like I hate her now,'_ he mused, reflecting on his confrontation with Sakura. _'I mean, had I not been shown other ways by Anko and Ayame, I probably wouldn't have said a thing. Sure, Jijii has hugged me before, but not like that. It was different and felt...it felt good. Before, well, attention was attention. It was just attention and Sakura was always willing to give me some, even if it hurt. Even if it always hurt. Ayame fussing over me and giving me a hug...that didn't hurt at all, even when she had to scrub a bit harder. It's like the attention types are opposite.'_

In front of his seated position, the small fire danced, before small singular flames formed. They stayed within the geometrically precise stone fire ring, the miniature ninja teams attacking another with acrobatic flips and fire techniques.

_'Don't mean I just gotta take being yelled at for no reason. How come she gets to be rude? Nobody hits her for speaking her mind. S'not right.'_

At this grousing, a larger flame drip dropped within the firepit, forming a three inch tall golem. The remaining inch-high ninja joined forces and swarmed it as the creature whirled, raining down flaming smacks. It gave a silent shriek of rage as it snatched a flipping ninja from the air, stuffing the hapless nin in its mouth before savagely tearing him in half with a shake of its head.

_'I don't know if I should just give her up though. That would mean giving up, quitting. I don't much care for that, but maybe, maybe I should...I dunno, tone it down a bit? I don't know. Girls sure are troublesome.'_

He heard a slight sound, like a hastily drawn breath, which snapped him out of his reverie. The flames, mini-ninja and golem vanished. That's when he felt it, the nape hairs on his neck rippling as his skin prickled. He was not just being observed, but watched. Intently. Well, mostly, as there was one person? he could kind of sense off to the side, that while watching him, the watching felt a little different. Something warmer.

The rest of the watchers, he couldn't see at all, even when he turned his head a little. He wasn't quite sure how that was possible, but he'd seen Leaf ninja walking upside down before, and that shouldn't be possible either. Cramming a three-hundred foot tall demon into a two-foot long baby went without saying.

In the predawn glow, the sky barely tinted, Naruto could just make out the first trees in a mulberry grove. In weeks to come, he would learn it was the outskirts of a small orchard shared by the Aburame in a silkworm co-op. He spoke to the fingers he saw wrapped around a trunk. For some reason, those fingers looked awfully familiar, but he just couldn't place to whom they belonged.

"Um..hello?"

Nothing. _'Maybe it's a Henge or Genjutsu. Yeah! So...how does that go? Do I do a surge of chakra or try to cut my chakra?'_ After a moment's deliberation, he continued, _'I think I have just a bit too much to cut it off completely, so it must be a chakra spike.'_

So he did, which not only turned a fig tree into a thirty-foot high ultra-wide torch, but also made his invisible watchers gasp in awe. Or something. He opted to call out again.

"Hello? Um...I did see your hands you know, which were very pretty and slender."

Against all reason, that worked. Not a moment after he finished, a flush-faced Hinata fainted and fell away from her cover. Now he only need wait. He knew he was being watched, and dared not to make any motion towards the recumbent Hyuuga, knowing she was the Clan Heir from their time in the Academy.

The thing was, he had expected his watcher to be someone observing him and giving pointers, not some invisible stare that made his neck hair stiff. But there they were, wherever, and here he was with stiff nape hair. And a knocked out heiress. So he waited.

As she started to revive, she managed, "Gom.." before Naruto interrupted her.

"Hey there, Hinata, and good morning!" Naruto was good at exuberance.

"Ano..."

"Say, Hinata...um, could you tell me who's watching me? I get the feeling that someone's staring at me, and it's creeping me out just a bit."

He saw her eye-veins go all bulgy for a moment before returning to normal.

"Um...a few of the branch members are watching you, Naruto-kun."

"A few? Um...how many are a few?"

"Ano...a couple of hundred..."

"What?" He looked around in panic-mode before spotting the burning fig tree. "Shit! Um..sorry about that Hinata." With a thought, the tree was snuffed, though the smoke wafted on the errant breeze. "Hey, say, what do your eyes do, Hinata-chan?"

_'Chan? He likes me!'_ "Ano...they can see through things and pinpoint chakra pathways."

"Really? Way cool! Things like walls?" At her nod, he grew thoughtful as the bottom dropped out of her stomach. "Wait...clothes are thicker than walls...um...Hinata..." Despite himself, his large, shocked and expressively blue eyes flickered downwards for all of a second.

Her fierce blush was his answer.

"Well that's just perfect!" He spun to his invisible gawkers. "Anyone else want to peek at my penis?"

He turned back to Hinata, partially ashamed of his outburst. "Sorry about that, Hina...are you alright?"

She nodded, slackjawed, as she stared at him with her Byakugan active. "So pretty."

"Um...Hinata-chan, um...I've been thinking a bit and maybe...I like you and all, but maybe we should start out as, yanno, friends?"

"Mmhmm. That sounds nice."

He understood that her attention was elsewhere. This made him just a little bit worried. Then he heard the voices.

"Look! It's like gazing at the sun!"

"Were you attempting a pun?"

"Not intentionally. It is fitting, regardless."

"Verily."

"Do you think maybe, we could keep him?"

"Hiashi-dono might disagree."

"Hokage-sama might disagree."

"Konoha might disagree."

"The sun...he's so bright!"

"Um..Hinata-chan? A little help here?"

"Oh! Go..."

"It's alright, it's alright. Um...what do you see, Hinata-chan?"

"Ripples and waves, Naruto-kun, like a mirage in late August, only close up. The heat shimmer makes your skin flicker." She grew still.

"Hinata-chan?"

Nothing.

"Um...Hinata-chan?"

Nothing.

He flared his chakra strongly, causing Hinata to fall backwards and the hidden voyeurs to gasp in delight.

"Hinata-chan? Hinata! Ah, you woke up. Are you feeling okay?"

"Um...ano..."

_'There's something different. Her finger twittles by her chest are cu...where the hell's her coat? She always wears a coat! A big bulky...shit shit shit...I just know I'm going to be blamed for this!' _ "Ah, Hinata-chan?"

"Naruto-kun?"

"I see your stutter is less. Good for you, Hinata-chan! Truth is...I'm a bit hungry. Might there be some breakfast?"

Hinata started as if poked. "Of course, Naruto-kun. I apologize for my for...forgetfulness. Excuse me!" She was a pinkish blur as she sped towards the Annex.

Naruto relaxed for a moment. '_The hell? She's a lot braver than she used to be. That makes no sense...unless she...wait. I looked at her, she looked at me, and I remembered the times I thought her si...oh hells, I thought I felt a bit warm. I blush, she blushes and thinks I...this is __**so**__ not good. Hiashi-sama will have me cut up and shipped around Konoha as a warning!'_

"Um..Uzumaki-san?"

Naruto turned to his hidden audience. "What! I'm a bit preoccupied here."

"We understand and offer our condolences."

There was an uncomfortable silence.

"Well?"

"We were wondering if perhaps, if you might...could you give us another chakra spike? Even a little one will be fine."

"What?"

"Please?"

..."Fine!" Naruto gave them what they wanted, feeling just a bit dirty.

* * *

_'Of all the things! Except for out of town missions, I have training with Hiashi-sama every day of the week, including weekends. I'm seriously going to have to scrub my skin after all them Hyuugas undressing my aura with their vein-bulgy eyes...' _ He shuddered, missing a step as he ran towards the training grounds.

He was brought up short as he slightly trod over another person.

"Crap! Hey, sorry about that. My mind was elsewhere and I wasn't really paying attention."

"Lies!" exclaimed the small boy with the odd headpiece. "You did that on purpose!"

"What? I did not!"

"You did! Don't lie to me, you coward!"

Naruto grabbed the boy by the collar, hefting him until they were eye to eye. "What did you say, you little shit?"

"Unhand that boy, you ruffian trash! I'll have you know that you are accosting Hokage-sama's grandson!"

Naruto cast his eyes to the side, spotting the shades-wearing figure in dark clothes.

"Hey, it was an accident, alright?"

"Coward! As if you would do anything to me. Know your place, peasant!"

"Oh, that's it!" Naruto flipped his wrist over, and dropped the kid, dumping him on his head. "I've no time for your stupidity."

"Oi! Come back here, ruffian, and apologize to Sarutobi-sama!"

Naruto gave a single finger salute before flickering away.

"How disrespectful! Pay him no mind, young mast...Master Konohamaru? Konohamaru!"

* * *

_'Well, that just spoiled my morning. I just know this will become another talk with the Old Man.'_

"You!"

"How the hell did you get in front of me?"

"I'm a Sarutobi!"

"Whatever. What do you want? I'm gonna be late, yanno."

"Teach me!"

"What?"

"Teach me."

"Why the hell should I teach you?"

"You saw me as me, not Grandpa."

That was delivered in a small voice, but it still resonated.

"Hey, it's alright...sheesh, come here, brat." Naruto, thinking of what Ayame had done for him, wrapped the younger boy in a tight hug. "Hey, it's alright, Ko."

"Ko?"

"Is that alright? I mean, Konohamaru is a bit of a mouthful."

"It's...it's fine."

"So you're okay now? How about I show you a super cool technique? That'll cheer you up, yes?"

"Really? So you'll teach me?"

"Maybe a little. I do have something to do, you know. I've a Field Test to pass so I can be a real Genin."

"Really? A real ninja?"

"Yep. So, sit here and prepare to be amazed." Without any overt signs, a fire burst forth between them on the ground. In the trees, Ebisu's jaw went slack.

"Okay, I'll need you to listen close. Think you can do that, Ko?"

"You can count on me, Boss!"

Naruto grinned, despite himself. "Okay, close your eyes. It's okay, Ko, just trust me here. Calm your mind and look around, right? Find every different stream of thought and make them singular. Put them by themselves. Got that?"

"Kinda."

"Hey, take your time, right? When you can put everything on different paths, take an unused path and picture the fire and how the flames move. Then shove just a little bit of chakra into that picture and think of what you want the fire to do. Keep your breathing steady and take your time. There's no rush."

"But you said..."

"My sensei is late to everything. It's alright. Just focus now, Ko. Picture the fire and how you want the flames to move."

Within ten minutes, a miniature monkey was swinging through the flames, using them as limbs.

"Whoa!"

"Whoa indeed, Ko." In a moment of inspiration, using something Jijii had once said, Naruto continued. "That there is the Will of Fire, in physical form."

"Wha? For reals?"

"Absolutely. I could kinda tell you were thinking of your gramps there."

"I wanna be Hokage!" the boy blurted.

Naruto was taken aback by the non sequitur. "Eh? Why is that?"

Konohamaru scowled. "I'm tired of everyone putting me in his shadow. Like I said, I want to be seen as me! If I'm Hokage, everyone will be forced to see me for me!"

"Ah...but didn't you make the monkey for your gramps? That means you were thinking of someone else. That's what being Hokage means, right? Doing something for everyone else?"

"Huh? Really?"

"Well...maybe. You'll have to ask your gramps to be certain. He _is_ the Hokage, you know, so I'm positive he'd know for sure."

"Why is the monkey so small?"

"Look, Ko? I didn't even know I could do this until this morning, right? So you doing it so quickly...you're a good kid. Maybe you should cut whatshisname some slack."

"It's Ebisu," said the man as he dropped from the trees. Konohamaru looked combative while Uzumaki became very wary. "Be at ease, Uzumaki-san. I offer my apologies for my prior behavior. You have taught something I had long sought to instill within the boy. I...I humbly request that you show me this technique, that I might continue his tutelage, and that you might reach your testing area in time."

Naruto went Squint. "Really?"

The dark clad man nodded fervently. Ebisu was a tutor and knew a teaching moment when he saw one. It was imperative to grasp this one before the moment passed.

* * *

_'Well, that was odd.'_ Even considering Naruto's life thus far, that really was an understatement. "What?"

"You're late. Again."

"Is Sensei here?"

There was a long pause, as a few leaves floated past on the adjoining lake's surface.

"No."

"Then I'm not late; you're just early. Again. I thought you learned your lesson last time."

"Hn."

A few more minutes of silence passed. "Where's Sakura?"

"There."

"Where?"

"Right there, loser."

Naruto ducked instinctively, spun and backpedaled. "Ah, hey there Sakura! You're looking good this morning...hey, listen...I was wanting to apologize for yesterday..."

"Save it!" she growled out as she swung another haymaker.

"Ack! Seriously...though I don't take back the words, I do apologize for the tone. Reckon we could start over as, well, maybe friends?"

"As. If. Who the hell would want _you_ as a friend!" she exclaimed, as she swung another Haruno 'Pull My Punches?' Sakura blow in his direction.

* * *

In the Tower, Sarutobi's pipe suddenly snuffed out. He was on instant alert.

"Bear!"

A large man appeared before the Hokage's desk in a kneel. "Your will, Hokage-sama?"

"I need you to head to..." He paused as he rifled through papers on his desk. "Training Ground 13, by the Memorial Stone. It is of utmost importance that you awaken Uzumaki Naruto."

"I...see? As you command, Hokage-sama." A puzzled Tenzou flickered away.

* * *

Her leg was reared back to deliver a vicious kick, as her crush watched in glee? indifference? (it was very hard to read that boy) when she found her foot caught.

"Ah, now now, little one, that would not be nice."

"Who the hell...ah!" She turned her head and exclaimed plaintively. "Forgive me, Anbu-san!"

"No harm, no foul. It is important that this boy wake up. Your sensei is waiting."

"Wha?"

"You always ruin my fun, Bear-san."

"You're late!"

"Mah, mah. I have a good reason, Sakura-chan, and might I say it's good to see you up and about."

She flushed in embarrassment at the memory of being so easily defeated. Unnoticed by all but Kakashi, Bear had Shunshined away.

"As I was saying, there's a reason I'm late. You see, as I was bathing, someone placed a ravenous octopus in my clothes washer. As I walked past it, the creature struck with gnawing suctioned tentacles! Thinking I might damage my belongings through heavy combat, I called upon my stealth training and managed to trick the beast, sealing it into a scroll. Then, while boiling water for my morning tea, I accidentally tripped and dropped the scroll in the water. The scroll released the creature, which became calamari before my very eyes. To pacify the summon realm, I was forced to eat of it, to give proper respect and homage. Plus my father had always stated, 'Waste not, want not.' "

He gazed upon his prospective students, mindful of the briefing he had received earlier this morning. Though he had been just a bit distracted by Chapter 7, he did manage to catch something about fire, control and important. His gaze shifted over to the dark one. It was obvious that Sarutobi-sama had been discussing the Uchiha, who were famed for their fire techniques.

Sakura's brain crunched through this information. After a few minutes, she declared with an angry pose, "Liar!"

"Ah, Naruto-kun, glad that you could join us," said the Jounin as he ignored the indignant Haruno. "Since we are all here, how about we introduce ourselves. I'll go first, so that those who slept through Iruka-sensei's lectures," he turned his singular eye on Naruto, "will understand the format."

"My name is Hatake Kakashi. I like...many things. I dislike...a few things. My hobbies...you're all too young. My dreams are none of your business."

In a moment of rare teamwork, they all thought, 'He told us only his name?'

"You," he stated, pointing at Naruto, "continue!"

"Hai Sensei. My name is Uzumaki Naruto. I like non-violent hugs and ramen. I dislike violent females who are mad for no good reason," he ducked an incoming swipe. "My hobbies...well, my hobbies right now don't matter as my time is taken up with chakra control exercises. My dream...I used to want to be the best damn Hokage ever, but some things have changed. That dream might not be possible now."

"Hn, like anyone would follow your command."

"You," stated Kakashi, hoping to stave off another argument, "the pink one. Go!"

She growled audibly, which made Hatake mentally schedule a group anger management session. "I am Haruno Sakura. I like..."

Hatake eventually broke the silence. "You like?"

Her eyes flicked back over from the Uchiha as her cheeks darkened. "My hobbies are..."

"Haruno! Focus."

"Ah...yes! My dream is..."

"Sensei, I sense a trend."

Hatake waved his hand for silence, hoping that she wouldn't react. Her profile stated she was prone to violent emotional responses. "Sakura? Are you still with us?"

"Huh? Oh! Yes, Sensei!"

"That's nice...now how about your dislikes?"

"Naruto-baka!"

"Hey! That was totally uncall..."

"Now now, Sakura-chan," stated Kakashi calmly as he gripped her right wrist. She hadn't even seen him move. "Any attack on a teammate outside of authorized spars will be met with strong disciplinary action, is that clear?"

"Ha...hai, Sensei!"

"Okay then," he said as he moved back into his slouched position. "You, the dark one, go!"

"My name is Uchiha Sasuke. I like very few things. I dislike many more things. My hobby and dream are the same; to kill a certain man and revive my clan!"

_'So cool!'_

"So gay! Are you certain you're not emo?"

"Naruto!"

"Now, now Sakura, remember what I said."

"Sorry, Sensei."

"And Naruto, don't antagonize them."

"What? It's not my fault he's gay!"

"Naruto!"

"Haruno?"

"Sorry, Sensei."

"Now then. The test." That captured their attention.

"I will set this clock," he pulled out a wind-up clock, much to Sakura's chagrin given his tardiness, "for Noon. You have that long to get one of these," he said, tapping his belt which chimed from the suspended bells, "or you will be tied there," he pointed at the three training posts by the water's edge, "while I eat your lunch in front of you."

Two bellies gurgled.

"Naruto, did you eat breakfast?"

"Um...well...you only suggested it, right? Besides, I had mandatory training with the Hyuuga. When they offer you fish and rice balls, you do not say no!"

Hatake thought for a moment. "Okay, I can see that. If you do not come at me with intent to kill, you will not succeed. Those who fail will be sent back to the Academy for remedial training, while the rest of your peers advance up the Shinobi ladder. You will be left behind and mocked. Now then, begin!"

To his silent pleasure, his prospective students blurred away to hide...not that he couldn't sense them easily...except for... "You're not quite like the other ones, are you."

"Um...Sensei? I'm a bit, well, conflicted. I think."

"Really?" Kakashi nonchalantly reached into his kunai pouch and pulled out his Beloved, noting that Naruto didn't even flinch. _ 'Something else to discuss with the Hokage.'_

"Yeah. I've been thinking, yanno?"

"And what are your thoughts, Naruto-kun?"

"Well...you're a Jounin, right? So my taijutsu won't do squat against you, especially since I was taught by that bastard Mizuki."

"What do you mean, Naruto?"

"Well...he convinced Iruka-sensei to teach me solo, right? At the time, I thought it was super special training, like he made it sound. But then, you know, he kinda went all traitor on me and Iruka-sensei and said...he said some hurtful things, yanno? So maybe...maybe it wasn't super special training after all. I just don't know."

"Are you a little unsure about your skills, Naruto-kun?"

"Yeah, Sensei..a bit."

"Show me."

"Huh? Right now?"

"Well this would be a good time for it. Don't worry, I'm just going to observe. Whenever you're ready."

Thirty seconds later, the masked nin held up a hand.

"If I were feeling charitable, I would call what I had just seen drunken brawling. Now, chin up, Naruto! For the moment, I am here to teach you. If you manage to pull off a victory, I would continue teaching you." The masked man gave another of his odd eyesmiles and said, "Don't worry, Naruto-kun! I will instruct you...personally."

Before the boy knew what was happening, Hatake was behind him, hands clasped in what looked like, when Naruto managed to turn his head partways, a Tora Seal, one used in fire techniques. Off to the side, Sakura screamed for him to move.

"Lesson One: Taijutsu. Secret Konoha Technique: A Thousand Years of Pain!"

It was his reflexes and a nonverbal Substitution which saved him. From his new position, Hatake watched his log switch turn into ash as it came into contact with the Naruto-sized pillar of flame. He began to question his interpretation of the earlier Hokage chat. He heard the girl gasp in shock at the sounds, as her eyes were firmly clamped shut, while the Uchiha was further away, having moved when Haruno gave away her position.

Within moments, she opened her eyes and completely compromised her position once she charged out, when the pillar of flame revealed a rather naked Naruto, intent on punishing him for his public indecency in the company of a lady. Hatake, in a moment of forethought, ran through a quick set of seals, whispered a technique and appeared to tap her on the shoulder.

Sakura spun in his direction, seeing where he pointed to the treeline. Before her very eyes, a heavily wounded and bleeding Sasuke pulled himself around a tree trunk, his body covered in deeply dug weapons. Some of them had pierced his limbs cleanly, while others had shattered bone, the stark white ends poking through ravaged skin...

She screamed, loudly, forcefully, and briefly. After a momentary silence, she collapsed.

"Hrm...perhaps I made it a bit too strong, as she stressed her vocal chords. What are your thoughts?"

"What was that? I mean, she turned her head, screamed and that was it!"

"That was Lesson Two: Genjutsu. It was only a simple illusion."

"What? Really? Think I can learn it?"

"Doubtful...you have a bit too much chakra and not enough control. It takes a very light touch to fool another's senses, Naruto-kun."

The boy hung his head in dejection, muttering about absent and worthless freeloaders, which caught Hatake's attention.

"Mah, you do realize you are naked, yes?"

"Yeah?"

"This doesn't bother you?"

"Well...I have spent the the past four hours being stared at and visually fondled by Hyuugas. I'm a bit inno..enocu..immune. Kinda."

"Inoculated?"

"Yeah, that."

"I understand. Vicariously. This does not negate the fact that you are naked. You do realize how your possible female teammate will react to this, yes? I only slowed her down, as she will eventually wake up."

"I appreciate that, Sensei. But unless you release me that I might get some fresh clothes, there's not a lot I can do. The mission hasn't ended yet."

Kakashi eye-smiled and tousled the boys hair, earning him a scowl. "You're a good kid. Tell you what, I might have a good substitute." He pulled out a scroll.

"Really?"

The scroll was unrolled. "Really."

"You're the best, Sensei! Um...what are these?"

"Towels."

"Towels?"

"Yes. No matter where one goes in life, so long as they have a towel, they will not be unprepared."

"Really?"

"Indeed. Please, pick one. My treat."

"Oh...then how about..."

"Not that one. Or that one. Nor that. How about this?"

"Sensei?"

"Hrm?"

"Even I have washcloths larger."

"Really?" He turned the article around in his hands. "Are you sure?"

"Quite. Do you have something in, say, orange?"

"Maybe...ah...kinda. It's oranllowish."

"What?"

"Well...you're familiar with the color wheel, yes?" He got an uncertain nod. "It's kind of in the red-yellow spectrum, and since red and yellow make orange, it should be okay, right?"

Naruto found himself on the lakeshore, wearing a vibrant sunshine yellow towel in a red parakeet motif, which came to his knees, next to an unconscious Sakura.

* * *

"Honestly, I don't know what to think." Hatake strode before the Genin, each one tied securely to a sparring post.

"I mean really, you're simply messed up, you do whatever he says, and he says he can do it alone. I'm at a loss."

The three teens scowled in their own ways.

"This," said Kakashi as he pointed at a plinth, "is the Memorial Stone. Recorded on its surface are the names of all those of the Leaf who have fallen in combat. Not all of them died smartly."

He turned to gaze upon his bound audience. "Some of them even went so far as to break the Shinobi Principles and Mission Objectives, spending their lives to save their teammates." He bent at the waist, bringing his furious visage close to each one. "Those who break the rules are trash!"

He straightened, glancing at the sky before looking back to the monument, taking the moment to think about the one-sided chat with the Elders, Danzou and the Civilian Council...his career was on the line. "But those who don't protect and care for their comrades are worse than trash. You, thoughts!"

"Hn, I almost had a bell last time. If given a chance, I'm positive I'll grab one."

"I'm with Sasuke-kun," the girl rasped out.

"I dunno, Sensei."

"Why is that, Naruto?"

"Seriously, you're a Jounin and we're Genin. If we all teamed up, we could probably get a bell, but it'd take a bit of teamwork. As it is now, well, I've known Sasuke, at least in the classroom, for a couple of years and he never wants to work with anybody. And Sakura...I've tried for years to be nice to her and all I've gotten is grief. I'm pretty sure she really just does not like me."

Hatake ignored the snort of derision. "Well, I guess there's nothing for it. I'm sorry guys, but..." He watched as they lowered their heads in dejection. "you all pass! Naruto guessed it, technically. The answer is teamwork. So long as you work together, you can overcome almost anything. Congratulations, Team 7!"

"What?"

"Really?"

"Hn."

"Indeed!" He snapped his fingers and their ropes fell away. "I've a report to file, so take these vouchers, on me, and enjoy a lunch together. Ja!" In a whirl of leaves and dust, he was gone.

"Hey, after I change do you two..wan..na..." The rest of his 'team' was already thirty feet in front of him. He frowned before blipping away.

* * *

Naruto stared at the Plaza before the Main Gate.

"Naruto? What are you doing here?"

"Huh? Oh, hey there Kotetsu-san. Um, I'm on cleanup detail here for the next two weeks."

Izumo gazed out at the drifts of litter. "I'm thinking word got out. It's not normally this bad, Naruto."

"Um, yeah, I kinda figured. Nothing for it though." With a handseal, shout, and a clearing mass of smoke, the plaza became crowded.

"Okay guys, you know what you need to do." A third Henged into leaf rakes, another third grabbed them to start gathering the trash, while the rest scattered to form piles.

The Chuunin on duty had heard the rumors, but to see such a flagrant usage of a potentially lethal clone technique...

"Guys? Hey, guys!" Naruto snapped his fingers. "Um, I'm not sure of protocol or whatever, but I brought some takeout."

"We appreciate that, Naruto."

"Yeah, oh, how'd your exam go?"

"Oh, about that...um...we passed, but I think it was on a technicality. Nobody actually got a bell."

"Well," said Izumo knowingly, "a winning by default is still winning."

* * *

An hour later and the drifts of debris were in more manageable piles, ready for pickup or bagging.

"Say, where do they take this stuff anyways?"

"Hrm? Ah, normally they just take it to an incinerator."

"A wuzza?"

"They burn it."

"Oh...really? I got this." Before the Chuunins could ask what he meant, Naruto had strode out and motioned to his remaining clones, the 'rakes' having dispelled. "Okay guys, let's see if this works." Sixty-seven Narutos spread out across the Plaza, each standing besides a trash pile.

With a roar, the mounds of garbage ignited violently. All of the clones were dispelled, leaving wafting smoke to get pulled up into the sudden conflagration. Gouts of blue and green flame arced across and joined with others. The burgeoning vortex spiraled upwards, creating winds which whistled through alleyways, racing to feed its hunger. At the apex, the swirling morass flattened out, and drew in upon itself around the middle, forming a rotating hourglass shape.

Before the stunned guards could blink, it was gone. The only indications it had existed at all were the motes of soot, whisked away by the dispersing winds, and the oddly glazed and plinking paving stones, some of which had run together. A grunt drew their attention, which turned out to be Naruto extracting himself from a bush.

He rubbed the back of his head in embarrassment. "I guess that worked a little bit too well."

"Na...Naruto, what...what exactly was that?"

"Huh? Oh...just something I wanted to try out. Oh! Since I got a another hour left, could I maybe get some pointers?"

"Huh? Um...yeah...sure, I guess. You okay with this, Izumo?"

"Hm? Yeah, I guess...so, what kind of pointers?"

"Taijutsu. Kakashi-sensei said I looked like a drunken brawler."

"What? Didn't they teach you the Academy style?"

"Mizuki-teme taught me."

"Ah. Huh. Well, go through your forms and show us what you got."

Thirty seconds later, they were thankful that the dark hid their contact embarrassment. Sharing a glance and a nod, Kotetsu stepped forward.

"I think that's enough, Naruto. Come and stand here, and put your feet like this. We're going to work on your stances, okay? Oh, and let's keep this a secret, eh?"

Naruto could only grin.

* * *

**A/N: Towel reference in homage to Douglas Adams' Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy.**


	4. It's a Clan Thing

My thanks to Zeroasalimit for his help in this chapter.

Disclaimer: Naruto is the property of Kishimoto Masashi.

* * *

It was mid-morning, but already Kakashi was annoyed. His 'Me' time, consisting of Kakashi, Kakashi's copy of Icha-Icha Paradise and the Memorial Stone, had been interrupted rather rudely when he was informed that Naruto had once again been knocked unconscious. By proxy, this also meant that all the fire and heat sources in Konoha were once again out.

Rather than argue and dawdle, Kakashi chose instead to turn around, walk the twenty feet, and greet his students. They had yet to sense him, so he chose to break the ice.

"Yo."

Sakura whirled from where she stood over Naruto, a mixture of shock and rage warring for dominance on her flushed cheeks. In the end, she chose neither, opting instead for a diversionary tactic: Kakashi's uncharacteristic punctuality.

"It...it's not what it looks like...and you're, you're early! Why are you almost on time?"

"Ah, my Flames of Youth flickered, so I thought to see my cute little students to stoke my Flames into a raging Inferno."

"Huh?" She had yet to be exposed to the infamous Green Beast of Konoha.

"Sasuke?" Kakashi had turned bodily to the Uchiha, clearly ignoring Sakura's confusion.

"Hn."

"Wake up Naruto, gently."

The dark boy scowled but complied, standing in such a fluid manner as to cause Sakura to swoon. He walked over and lightly kicked the soles of Naruto's combat sandals. Failing to get a response, he chose to pull out his canteen and slosh some of the slightly-cold contents across the length of the recumbent teen. Spluttering, Naruto was yanked back into the world of awareness.

"Buh?" He pulled himself into a seated position.

"Ah, Naruto. Glad you could join us."

"Huh? Kakashi-sensei...?" The boy paused, clearly confused. "Um...what time is it?"

"It's a little before eight, Naruto."

Naruto glanced at the sky, clearly puzzled. "But...that would mean...you're on time?" He looked deep in thought for a moment, before shooting to his feet.

**"Imposter!"**

"Since we're all here, well, mostly, I need to asses your skills for team exercises," continued Kakashi, making a bid to ignore his other student. "Naruto, Sakura, spar."

"Um...do I have to, Sensei? I don't really have a problem sparring with her, but if I touch her or knock her down, she always gets me back later. Most of the time Iruka-sensei got after me for sleeping in class was thanks to her sucker punches."

"Are you calling me violent?"

"Gah!" Naruto dove to the ground and rolled, having avoided Sakura's initial haymaker and her follow-up stomps. "Kage Bunshin!"

A quintet of Narutos formed around him as he was rolling, two diving for Sakura's knees while the rest helped pull Naruto up and away.

"Huh? Clones won't save your worthless hide, Naruto!" She lashed out a foot at the closest one, which caught it and pulled upwards. The shock was evident as she landed on her back hard, clearly not expecting solid clones. She rolled away and tried to suck in air before climbing unsteadily to her feet.

Six Narutos faced her, politely waiting.

"Useless! You should have taken the openings, Naruto. Now you're gonna pay for hitting a lady."

"It's a spar, Sakura. You know, give and take to let Sensei gauge our abilities?"

She hesitated for all of a second. "I know that!" She charged and caught one of them flatfooted with an uppercut. That Naruto felt solid only for a moment before dispersing. "And now I know the secret. You asked for it, loser!"

Naruto, understanding the premise behind a spar, moved defensively. He could see, however, that this was not a skills test to Sakura. She just wanted to hurt him, again.

"I think you're missing the point of this, Sakura."

"Like I care! Now stand still, dammit!" She swiped out at another Naruto, which, to her surprise, dispersed before she made contact. Being used to putting her entire weight, slight though it was, behind every punch, and suddenly having no resistance to a punch, Sakura found herself very much unbalanced.

She blinked, confused, before pain and darkness claimed her.

Naruto kept her supported as he pulled his fist from her abdomen and signaled to his clones. With their help, Sakura was gently moved to the side of the training field.

"That was rather sly of you, Naruto, whichever one of you is the original. What did you do?"

As the others dispersed, the remaining one scratched the back of his head, clearly unused to praise. "Um...I let her hit one to get her overconfident. So when she went to hit another, I had it disappear to throw her off. Then I did a quick Kawarimi with a clone in her blind-side."

"Interesting. I see your footwork has improved since yesterday."

"Ah, um...yeah. I was able to get some tips on basic stances last night."

"Hm...I see. Okay, Sasuke, you're up."

The Uchiha grunted and gave a nasty smirk. "I've been waiting for this, loser. I'm beginning to think you were holding out on me in the Academy. I felt the air get saturated with chakra, and that should be something nobody our age can do." He paused and snuck at glance at Kakashi. "Full contact, Sensei?"

Kakashi knew what the boy wanted. "No death blows, and when I say stop, you stop. Otherwise you will spar with me, full contact."

The Uchiha's eyes widened at the threat. He nodded and beckoned for Naruto. "Get ready for a beating, worthless."

Naruto's eyes narrowed. He never could stand Sasuke's smugness, and had a feeling this was going to get even worse now that they were a team.

"Fine. Kage Bunshin." Another quintet appeared around Naruto.

"I've seen that trick already, idiot. Don't think the same tactic will work against my Setsujuken."

"Like I care, douche!"

It was Sasuke's turn to narrow his eyes as he felt the air become saturated with chakra. _'What...what's this? It's just like in the class.'_ Then, to his dismay, all but one Naruto vanished in a swirl of dust and singed grass. He glanced around warily, attention still focused on the one remaining, who appeared to be content just to grin.

"I'm gonna wipe that look right off your ugly mug."

"Oh, really? That should be fun. Shunshin no Jutsu."

Sasuke's eyes went wide and his nostrils flared. _'No problem. I know the Shunshin emits chak...sonnabitch!'_ He dove to the ground and rolled out of the way of an incoming Flicker. When he turned to look, he was alone again.

"Coward! Come out here and face me!"

He spun on his heel, but not before getting clipped by another Flicker. Another swept his legs from under him, and right before gravity reasserted its hold on him, another Flicker smashed into his side. His impromptu trajectory ended abruptly, a few leaves floating down from the impact.

Hatake quickly moved to check on the boy, finding him only with a slight concussion.

"Naruto?"

The boy appeared in a swirl of dust, staggering a few steps to regain his footing. "Ah...um...yes Sensei?"

"What was that?"

"Um...Shunshin with a running start?"

"Come again?"

The boy grinned brightly. "I know the 'normal' way is to stand still when you do it, so you don't end up sprawling when you finish. But I wanted sprawling, so I used my clones for high speed body tackles. Get a small running start and **BAMPH**!"

"And the saturation? What gave you that idea?"

"Heh...that was from the first time I used it. I found out afterwards that I almost ran into Iruka-sensei when I landed. He couldn't tell where I was going to land since the signal, or whatever, was too hard to see from all the background noise." He chuckled and scrubbed the back of his head. "So this time I did it on purpose so the bastard wouldn't be able to sense my incomings."

"Using clones as projectiles with a time-space technique. I can't say I've ever heard that done before. Sneaky, Naruto. Very sneaky. Until the others wake up, show me those stances you learned."

* * *

"Sakura!"

"Sorry, Sensei." She hastily straighten from her attempt to swat Naruto for not paying attention.

"As I was saying...Naruto, put that down."

"Sorry, Sensei." Naruto hesitantly put down the shiny bauble. He wasn't quite sure what it was, but it kept tempting him.

"As I was saying, seeing how Naruto already knows the Shunshin, I thought it would be prudent to teach the rest of you, if only to stave off future arguments." Kakashi sighed. "Yes, Naruto?"

"The bastard's eyeballing me again, Sensei!" Naruto's vibrating finger was outstretched and indignant. "Sideways-like, so you wouldn't see."

"Sasuke?"

"What."

"Stop provoking Naruto."

"Hn."

"Sensei, um...why is Sasuke-kun upset?" asked Sakura softly, hoping her question did not upset her crush.

"Ha!" Naruto boasted. "He's just pissy since I beat him in a spar."

"What?" came her none-to-pleased response. "Impossible! There's no way someone like _you_ could beat Sasuke-kun. You must have cheated!"

"Haruno, he wanted full contact, so I gave him full contact," Naruto defended. "As for cheating, we're ninja! We're supposed to cheat!"

"I...I know that!"

"Now then, the seals go like this..." Hatake paused in his attempt to restart the lesson. "Is there a problem, Sasuke?"

"I don't see how this technique will help me defeat _Him_." The boy was clearly not amused at his time being wasted on useless things.

"Oh. Hrm, yes, that could be a problem." Hatake tapped his cloth-covered chin in thought. "But then Itachi used it all the time. He was rather good at the Shunshin."

"Itachi?" the other two asked.

"Sasuke's older brother, the _Him_ he wants to defeat."

The Uchiha scowled and grit his teeth. _'It won't help me defeat __**Him**__, but __**He**__ used it and was good at it. I must learn it and become better than __**Him**__.' _ "Fine. Teach me."

"Was that a demand in question form, Sasuke?"

..."Please."

"I guess that's the best we're going to get. The seals go like this." Kakashi sped through them in a blur, the look on the small visible part of his face clearly stating, 'I hope you were watching.' "After that, it's pretty straightforward."

"Um, Sensei?"

"Naruto?"

"I think, maybe, you might be missing some parts."

Hatake appeared to think about it for a moment. "Nope, I think I covered it all."

"Um...yes, of course...um, as a newbie myself, I might have some tips."

"Hah! Like you know something I don't," sneered Saruka.

"Hn."

"Fine. Whatever. Knock yourselves out."

* * *

Within fifteen minutes, Sakura was highly frustrated, still in her original position, and Sasuke was unconscious. He did manage to grasp the concept quickly, but for some reason kept impacting the same tree, the one which Naruto's Clone Body Tackle sent him originally, each and every time.

Sakura wiped her brow and glared over at Naruto. Said boy was slowly going through taijutsu forms as Kakashi gave verbal instructions while reading an orange book.

_'How did he learn it? I should make him tell me!'_

**'Perhaps if you weren't so rude to him, we'd know it too.'**

_'He deserved it, the idiot! Pretending to know more than me. Who was it who scored second highest in the written tests?'_

**'But he _does_ know it. Plus, he was _very_ nummy when we saw him with no clothes. Much more built than Sasuke-kun.'**

_'Wha...what? Traitor! Nobody looks better than Sasuke-kun, no matter how defined their pecs or how many muscly bumps their belly has!'_

**'So you **_**did**_** notice. Perhaps you should ask Na-ru-to-kun for tips and **_**private instruction**_**.'** The Inner Self leered and made crude drawings on a chalkboard.

_'Na...never! Shut up, you!'_

"What?"

"Huh?"

Naruto sighed. "What do you want, Sakura. You've been glaring at me for several minutes now, so what do you want?"

"I don't want anything from you!"

"That's fine with me. Besides, shouldn't you be all over _Sasuke-kun_ or something? I'm sure he could use some mouth-to-mouth action."

"Sh...shut up! And don't tell me what to do, baka!"

Naruto shrugged as he moved into the next form.

"Lift the heel slightly and turn the left foot inwards, just a bit...there you go," Kakashi instructed from the low branch of a nearby tree, his eye on his book.

"Thanks, Sensei."

"Don't ignore me!"

**'Cha! How dare he ignore us!'**

"Sakura, what do you _want_? I'm trying to fix the mess Mizuki made of my taijutsu, okay?"

"Where...where did you learn Shunshin, Naruto?"

He sighed again. He knew they'd just keep harping at him until he relented. "Old Man Hokage taught me. What's that look for?"

"You shouldn't disrespect Hokage-sama like that, and why would he teach _you_?"

He finally looked at Sakura with a frown on his face. "I don't know, Haruno. Perhaps it was a late birthday gift."

"What? You selfish spoiled boy..."

**'Shannaro! You tell that hunky spoiled idiot!'**

"Sakura? Naruto's an orphan. His birthdays aren't very pleasant."

Her cheeks lit up in shame. "I...I'm sorry...sorry about that, Naruto."

"I don't want your damn pity, Haruno! Now what the hell **do you **_**want**_**?**"

"Naruto, temper. Check your footing."

Naruto glanced down and saw the smoldering grass. He took several deep breaths to calm himself and slid back into his forms. "Thanks again, Sensei."

"Mmhmm." Kakashi flipped a page and let slip a slight giggle.

"Um...Na..Naruto, um...about those tips? Um, could you maybe..."

He looked over at Sakura, who seemed to be very uncomfortable all of a sudden.

"Is this some sort of a joke? Let me guess, you're gonna set me up with that question, so you can come back with something snappy to prove you're better than me. Again. Is that it?"

She flinched, remembering all the times she had done just that. "Puh...p..please?"

He gave her a hard stare until her eyes dropped. "Old Man Hokage..."

Her face darkened, clearly incensed by the blatant disrespect Naruto was bestowing upon their Village leader.

Naruto saw her lips beginning to move in a classic attempt to interject. "Sakura, if you say a _single_ word, I'm shutting up and you can find help elsewhere."

Her mouth snapped shut with an audible click, though her indignation was highly visible on her cheeks.

"The Old Man said to picture a place you want to be and then picture yourself in that place. Do the seals, gather your chakra and go put yourself in the place where your mental self is already. Something like that. I think it best if you stand still when you do it. I'm almost always in motion in some way or another, and you saw what happened when I showed up in class. So stand still and don't try to go too far on your first try."

"Is..is that what happened to Sasuke-kun?"

"I've no clue, but most likely. When we sparred, I had my clones Flicker away, quite a ways away actually. He was probably thinking he could go further, or something. Never really know with him...maybe that tree is as close to _morning wood_ that he'll ever see."

Her face flushed at the innuendo before it went a deeper shade in anger. "Don't say those things about Sasuke-kun, idiot!"

"Che, whatever. I've told you what I know, so leave me alone already. Maybe after the bastard wakes up you can convince him to join you for private instruction." He had already turned away from the girl, quite missing her shocked blush.

_'How...just how the blazes did he know what you said?'_

**'Me? It's _we_, idiot. And isn't it obvious? Naruto could read us, as if he were undressing us with his eyes, running his paws...'**

"If you don't shut the hell up..."

"The hell? If that's the thanks I get for helping you out, you can forget it the next time." Naruto stomped further away, hoping to gain some distance, on multiple levels, from his female teammate.

**'Way to go, genius.'**

* * *

"How are you feeling now, Sakura?"

"Better, Sensei."

"Mmhmm. Before we progress much further, I will need an estimation of your chakra levels. I've read your files, but there's nothing quite like seeing it first hand. It wouldn't do for you to pass out again from chakra exhaustion after only a few Shunshins."

Her cheeks flushed. "No it wouldn't, Sensei."

"Whenever you're ready, Sakura."

For her, this was simple. She could easily draw upon her chakra and had near perfect control, even at her young age. It was a minor blessing that Kakashi made no comment on her minuscule reserves. One rather blunt assessment at the Academy had been, 'It's easy to have perfect control when using an eyedropper with a thimble.'

"We will need to work on your reserves a bit, but nothing major. I have just the exercise, but I'll need to see where the others are. Sasuke?"

"Hn." This was easy for him, so long as he kept cool and focused. Hatake guessed above average reserves and average control, which was very good considering Sasuke's age and background. With a bit more polish and some experience, he would be a prime candidate for Chuunin.

"The exercise I have planned for Sakura will aid you greatly, Sasuke. Better control and deeper reserves means more potent techniques with less effort and waste. Naruto?"

Over the past two mornings, Naruto's control had jumped exponentially, now that he actually had some honest instruction. "Um...Sensei...do you just want me to call it up or do you want an accurate picture? I got a lot of chakra, but not a lot of control."

"Show me."

Sighing in resignation, Naruto stood, formed the Ram, and gathered all of his chakra. The grass flattened and withered around his feet as eldritch winds howled around him. His teammates were shocked into a stupor, Sakura's long pink hair billowing outwards in strange shapes. His aura became visible, which was a rarity among shinobi, extending outwards from his body by several feet, right before it ignited.

Thick indigo flames writhed and swirled around him, bathing his skin an odd cast. The ground had melted and run beneath his feet as his hair stood straight up upon his head. Shimmering waves undulated on the far edges of his chakra field. The very air hummed under the tension.

Kakashi was struck dumb, barely noticing when several ANBU squads descended upon their training ground to investigate the enormous energy signature. Acting on instinct honed from one battle too many, he turned slightly so neither Sakura nor Sasuke could see as he lifted his headband, exposing the implanted Sharingan eye.

He only got a glimpse at the most beautiful and effervescent thing he had ever seen before it vanished with an audible pop from air displacement.

"The hell? What the hell was that thing? Where is it?" Naruto spun, looking highly disgusted.

Kakashi quickly slid his band back down, covering the eye which was otherwise always active.

The boy stopped and stared around him, noticing the multiple ANBU teams, Sakura's freakish hairstyle, and the all-too familiar stare of the Hyuuga. The latter were off to the side, hidden in the woods.

"Um...hi?"

"Uzumaki Naruto, what was the meaning of that?" asked a largish man with a hawk mask.

Naruto started and bowed slightly. He knew when to be polite and when to run like crazy. "Taka-san, I was following orders. I apologize if there were problems."

"Is this true, Hatake?"

Kakashi nodded, still stunned with what he had seen. "I was trying to get a feel for their chakra and control levels."

"Really." He turned back to Naruto. "You! Do you not know the meaning of the word 'restraint'?"

"Taka-san, I did ask my Jounin-sensei. He wanted to see everything."

"Is this also true, Hatake?" At the slight nod, he continued, "I see. Hokage-sama will be notified of your irresponsibility. All teams, move out!"

"Na...Naruto? Just what was that?"

"My chakra, Sensei. I don't know what happened at the end though. I was doing just like you told me, when there was this nasty feeling, like something clutching at me, trying to take what I had because it didn't. It felt very nasty." Naruto went into full body shudder for a moment.

_'That must have been the Sharingan, but what an oddly violent reaction.'_ "There also seems to be roughly twenty or so people in the bushes."

"Yeah, those are Branch Hyuuga. I was asked by Hiashi-sama to not interfere if they happened by my training during the course of the day."

"Really. We'll have to see about that. Also, Hiashi-sama? From your report, you rarely give anyone that level of respect."

Naruto was calming down, becoming just a bit nervous at the man's mention. "Well...if I don't add the sama, he kinda scowls, and then his eyes go all bulgy. He's also very good at looming. That man can _loom_. If I call him Hiashi-sama, he doesn't loom nearly as much."

"Ah, I see. Yes, he can indeed loom. But about these Branch Hyuuga. I'm not real keen on having our practices observed, Naruto."

"Um...yes, I can understand that, Sensei. But, well, Hiashi-sama _did_ ask me. Said something about it diminishing stupid servitude, or something. From what I gathered this morning, there were...issues at the Hyuuga manor after I had left yesterday morning. I have the feeling that if I send them away, Hiashi-sama will start looming again. That tends to make me very nervous."

Hatake pinched his the bridge of his cloth-covered nose. "So, what you're basically telling me is this is a clan thing?"

"Maybe?"

"I'm not getting paid nearly enough for this."

"Sorry?"

"I'm not mad at you, Naruto, though I'm sure you're somehow to blame, Mr. Chakra Flare."

Naruto scrubbed the back of his head. "So...about that exercise?"

"Ah, right." He glanced over at the other teens and slapped his hands together. They started and appeared disoriented. "All right you three, pick a tree. Move it!"

The two sitting jerked into a standing position and hastily obeyed, seeming to move on autopilot.

"To help build reserves and control, we will climb trees." He walked up to one, reached the trunk, and proceeded to walk up it. He ended up suspended from the bottom of a branch, his feet the only point of contact.

"Gather your chakra around your feet, then attempt to walk up it. You may find a running start helps, or you can lay down and attempt walking up from that position. Use a kunai to mark your progress."

"Done!"

The rest of the team looked up to see Sakura sitting on a branch twenty feet up, swinging her legs idly with a superior expression.

"Very good Sakura! Now either continue to the top of the tree, or come back down and repeat the exercise until you no longer can. The point for you is to build your reserves."

Her smug grin vanished as the understanding filtered down. Opting for safety, she walked back down the trunk, and began her laps to the same branch. It wouldn't do to climb up sixty feet only for her to lose her grip.

Sasuke's first attempt blew him backwards, while his second failed to stick. He was quick to guess the trick, the only unknown being his temper, and how it would affect his control. Barely ten feet up and he was already feeling just a bit frustrated. This was in addition to the frustrations experienced throughout this day, from the ease in which he was defeated to the massive and overwhelming display of chakra the dead-last possessed. In that frame of mind, his progress was slow and torturous.

"Waiting for a personal invite, Naruto?"

"Um...I can already do this one, Sensei. Well, Wall Walking, but I guess they're the same."

"Oh? And when did you learn this?"

"This morning. Hiashi-sama had me walk up a cinder block wall he had constructed by one of the koi ponds. The heavy and bulky industrial-gray structure was oddly harmonious with the flowing curvature of the rippling pond."

Hatake blinked. "Huh?"

"It's true, Sensei. Hiashi-sama wouldn't let me climb trees until I stopped making them explode. I guess they have some old trees there or something."

"So you're telling me that you know the exercise. Do you risk another tree exploding if I ask you to at least demonstrate?"

"Maybe?"

"On the tree, Naruto."

The tree didn't explode, though there were two odd burn mark tracks: one going up forty feet and the other going down.

"I see. Okay, while you two continue this exercise, Naruto, I want you to stand in the water. Try to push yourself out of the water. The goal is to first stand on top of and then move across the surface of the lake. Why are some of the Branch Hyuuga leaving?"

"Um...probably to get as many as the others as possible. I haven't done the water exercise yet so there's bound to be a lot of chakra used."

"Is this going to be a constant issue?"

"Maybe? I'm not well-versed in clan issues, Kakashi-sensei. Aw man! I need new sandals! That's just perfect."

Kakashi blinked again, his eye glancing at Naruto's bare feet, as well as the cooling slag which used to be grass-covered dirt. Mutely, he merely pointed to the water.

"Well, at least the grass and gravel feel good. Water's nice as well, but walking home is going to suck."

* * *

Early in the Water Walking exercise, Naruto had asked if he could send a clone out for some ramen. Seeing the rest of the team look longingly at their own packs, he agreed to a break. Naruto had stayed in the water, however, continuing with his exercise. This in turn made Sasuke grab his bento and rush back to his tree to eat and exercise. That action made Sakura pull herself together so she could continue her exercise, as well as holding Sasuke-kun's things if he needed his hands free.

Kakashi wasn't exactly sure when it happened. The fact remained though that, within an hour, Training Ground 13, home to the Memorial Stone and Team 7's training area, had somehow taken on a festival feel.

It could have been the few hundred Branch Hyuuga and the meals they were making in the treeline. Some had even ventured to the shore, circumspectly, to offer Naruto food and drink so that he might keep his energy up as well as dipping their feet in the soothingly warm waters around him. They squealed in delight with every chakra spike, or when he would temporarily lose his footing. They were almost like children watching a fireworks display, which wasn't all that far from the truth in their eyes.

It could also have been from the Main Family Hyuuga wandering the grounds importantly, offering incense and prayer chains to the fallen upon the Memorial Stone. Others were being served by their relatives, those of the Branch Family. Both sides studiously ignored the Uchiha and Haruno, though their eyes routinely brushed across Naruto with the Byakugan active.

One person in particular stood out, as Hiashi was looming, just a bit, watching Naruto intently from a distance as he took faltering steps atop the lake's surface. He also cast slightly worried looks, for those who knew him best, towards his eldest daughter, who had quickly taken up station by the boy, even holding his ramen containers as they both worked on their Water Walking control.

There had been a marked change in her demeanor of late. While still painfully shy, she was becoming less prone in making automatic apologies. Even her stutter had lessened, if you knew her cadence. The reason behind this newfound confidence seemed to be the whiskered boy on the lake, the one who set fire to and then exploded a hundred-year old cherry tree, brought over from their Kumo exodus. While still upset about the tree, he wasn't quite sure how he felt about the boy, and his influence on his eldest.

Another factor which led to current circumstances could have been the other Genin teams, including those of this current batch which had passed.

Sarutobi Asuma thought teaching tree-walking this early was a very good idea, one supported vocally by Yamanaka Ino. Ino and Sakura were currently passed out from exhaustion, as they had competed for Sasuke-kun's eternal love by racing up and down trunks at a dizzying pace while shrieking their devotion. Akimichi Choji had some problems initially with the exercise, though these were quickly ironed out thanks in large part to Nara Shikamaru, who had grasped the mechanics rather easily.

Team Gai was there largely thanks to Hyuuga Neji, who being of the Branch Family and Hiashi's nephew, was tasked with serving the Clan Head. TenTen was mingling with the Branch Hyuuga, being moderately comfortable and welcome among them from the year in Gai's team, while Maito Gai and his miniature clone, Rock Lee, were out on the lake proper, engaged in a very high speed taijutsu-only spar. It was this latter, as well as Naruto, towards which Sasuke's exhausted scowl was sent.

Team 8 had been one of the first to arrive, some fifteen minutes after Naruto's chakra demonstration. Inuzuka Kiba had been getting the back of his head smacked by Yuuhi Kurenai, as they passed several unconscious Branch Hyuuga, apparently for suggesting they follow Hinata's 'secret' scent. Aburame Shino had excused himself shortly upon entering the training ground, stating that the dense chakra saturation still in the air was making his kikai restless, agitated and very hungry.

Currently, Kiba was laying in exhaustion by another tree, once his boast of knowing Tree Walking was proven to be a toothless bark. When he had spied the arrogant Uchiha running up a trunk, he did the same and was blown backwards. After a brief explanation and stern warning about teamwork and honesty, a chastened Kiba had engaged in a competition with Sasuke for Alpha status. He pointedly ignored the whiskered boy who was taking small steps on top of the lake. The only difference between Water Walking and Bath was a break in concentration.

The original reason behind Team 8 arriving on scene was their missing member, who showed up shortly after her team, carrying what appeared to be new sandals. Hinata bowed courteously to her Jounin-sensei, gave a concise explanation and moved towards Naruto.

Kurenai was quick to forgive Hinata's abrupt leaving during a team meeting once she witnessed the girl's bravery in approaching her longtime crush. The boy's brilliant smile let her know that he knew of Hinata's feelings as well, and it would figure that she knew his size in footwear. There would be tomorrow to put them all through their paces.

Kakashi was pretty sure the catalyst had been that ramen request, but he really couldn't figure out how.

_Earlier_

"Ayame, watch the counter and the pots. Someone's knocking at the back and I'm not expecting any shipments today." A glance out the spyhole revealed an anxious-looking Naruto. Teuchi opened the door. "Naruto, what on earth are you doing back here?"

"Hey there, Teuchi-sama, the Boss wants me to place a to-go order."

"Teuchi-sama?"

"Uh...is that wrong? Boss gave me instructions to be super polite to the Ichiraku family."

"No...no, it's fine, just...unexpected. Ayame, come and take...Naruto's order."

"I'm just a clone though. You can call me Narutwo if you really want to though." He grinned and rubbed at the back of his head.

Teuchi chuckled as he moved back to the pots.

"A clone?" Ayame questioned. "I didn't know they could carry anything, so how are you going to get this carryout back to Naruto?"

"Oh, I'm a special clone, Ayame-chan."

"Chan?"

"Mmhmm. Boss said to be super specially polite to you, seeing how he likes you and all." The clone felt the 'as a super close friend' part was implied.

Ayame flushed a brilliant shade and instantly cast her eyes down. "You...you said a special clone?"

"Mmhmm. I'm solid, so I can...Ayame-chan?"

"It's okay to hug me back, Narutwo, and you're right. You are solid but you don't have Naruto's scent, well you do, but it's muted." She sounded faintly disappointed.

Feeling it was somehow his fault, Narutwo obliged by hugging her back tightly. "I'll make sure Boss knows, Ayame-chan. He's a genius, so I'm sure he'll figure out something. I do need to get back soon though."

"Oh...yes." Ayame moved back as if stung, blushing brightly. Though the clone didn't smell completely like Naruto, he sure felt and looked like him. "What will you have, or what will Naruto have?"

"Just two beef."

"Only two?"

"Well, I can only carry back so many, you see. Training Ground 13 is quite a ways distant, and I don't want to risk upsetting his meals and spilling them."

"How many others are there?" came Teuchi's gruff voice by the stoves.

"Ah, lemme think, Teuchi-sama. Boss, Kakashi, Boss's stupid teammates...oh, and several Branch Hyuuga. I think more are on the way."

"Order up, on the house."

"For reals, Teuchi-sama? You're the best! I got to get going though. Boss has burned through a lot of energy this morning, so he must be pretty hungry by now." With a wave, Narutwo picked up both containers, one in each hand, and Flickered away in a swirl of dust and burnt debris.

"Ayame?"

"Yes, Tou-san?"

"Naruto is going to be hungry. His team is there. Some Hyuuga are there. He's most likely the one behind that huge energy display. I'm sure even you could feel it."

Her deep blush and unfocused eye indicated that she had. Teuchi wasn't quite sure how he felt about that.

"From what Naruto said yesterday evening, his early morning had been spent getting stared at by a few hundred Branch Hyuuga who kept looking at his chakra. If the Branch are there, the Main won't be far behind since they'll want their tea.

"Which also means the other clans might gather due to Hiashi-sama being there, if he shows. And then the curious will appear, wondering why everyone is there. That means that many more hungry people in an area removed from easily accessible eateries."

He tapped his chin, before he shut down the ovens. "Ayame, close the shop and put up a sign that we'll be serving by the Memorial Stone, then get the goods together while I get our food cart ready."

_Present_

When a girl he recognized as Ichiraku Ayame showed up carrying several fresh ceramic bowls out to Naruto some 45 minutes after his clone showed up with two beef ramen in waxed carryout containers, on a hunch he made a Shadow Clone to investigate. Though he could have easily made a Water or Earth one, one perk of the Shadow Clone was transferred memories, something the others lacked. What he had found, at a respectable distance from the Stone and just past the treeline, was a portable Ichiraku Ramen stand doing a brisk business and several hundred extra people milling about and enjoying the early afternoon.

The clone stayed up until two things occurred. One was the appearance of Dingo's Dango Hut's Dual-Axle Dango Diner, once said diner caught wind that Ichiraku had a monopoly on a hungry crowd. The other incident, shortly after Dingo opened up their mobile unit, was a dango skewer going through the clone's single eye.

Anko had arrived.

* * *

"...and that's when things really got weird, and by that I mean weirder than Hinata-chan giving Ayame-chan a deathglare. Or Ayame-chan returning it. Of course, I don't know what the hell was eating my teammate. Haruno just sat off to the side by Ino scowling at me, like I was doing something wrong or something. Meh."

Kotetsu chuckled. "This is good, by the way."

"Oh yeah, new recipes. Szechuan Beef and Chicken ramen bowls. I'll let Old Man Teuchi know you like it."

"Your guys about done out there?" asked Izumo. "This time, just bag it for the morning crews. We had to answer a few questions after you left about a small firestorm."

Naruto scrubbed the back of his head. "Yeah, sorry about that. Next time it happens, I'll make sure you guys aren't on shift."

The older teens chuckled, before Izumo continued, "Well, when they're done, Kotetsu will watch the gate, and I'll help you with your forms."

"Oh, yeah...Kakashi-sensei took some time while Sasuke and Sakura were knocked out to help with my stances."

"Show me what you got, and we'll go from there."

* * *

In one of the archival storage rooms, deep within the Hokage Tower, Sarutobi happened upon a certain discovery.

_'In order to summon the Auditors, one must have on hand, placed just outside the summoning seal, a messy stack of unsorted paperwork. It's about time that I found a use for that stuff!'_


	5. Opening Salvo

Disclaimer: Naruto is the property of Kishimoto Masashi.

* * *

_'It could always be worse,'_ Naruto mused. _'I could have been sent to the five-year olds.'_

He tried to stay philosophical about the entire ordeal, philosophical being a term he had swiftly come to terms with during this past week with Hiashi-sama. Following the Cherry Tree Incident, whenever Naruto let slip his control, he was turned over to the three-year olds. While there, he was to focus upon his meditation while the little snots tried their level best to turn his innards into paste, albeit very slowly.

There weren't many Hyuugas three or under who could manifest chakra, but even without that energy, those Jyuuken strikes hurt. Given that nerve clusters and tenketsu were often very close together, and that early practitioners were often sloppy, Naruto's meditation time-out was fraught with distractions. Hiashi-sama wasn't a cruel man intrinsically; he just believed in Practical Incentivising.

The time-outs weren't too onerous, as Naruto had a built-in fail-safe: chakra spike. When those future stalkers got a bit too rambunctious, Naruto would let slip a small Spike. Those that could see it went still and began drooling, while those who could not wondered what happened to their compatriots, right before the fits began for not seeing the same thing. Naruto was not a cruel man intrinsically, though he did believe in Passive Pranking.

It wasn't long before he was back to his prior exercises, the meditative periods being roughly ten to fifteen minutes in duration.

"I understand your team has begun doing Village chores." Hiashi was smirking on the inside. Being the Head of the Hyuuga family, he was privy to Team 7's D-rank endeavors, in large part thanks to the Branch members' addiction to Naruto's chakra expressions. For a moment, he remembered his time as a Genin. Though it was a markedly bloodier era, time could always be set aside for the capture of the Fire Daimyo wife's cat, Tora. "I hear you met Tora."

Naruto stumbled at the mention of that foul creature. "Um...yeah, Hiashi-sama."

"I understand the client was displeased for some reason." Hiashi continued to lead them to a section of the estate which sported a small lake, or a large pond, depending on your economic caste. Several Branch members, along with his eldest daughter, were waiting on the shore.

"It...well...the little snot latched onto me and I kinda, well, I might've lost focus for a bit?" Naruto nervously rubbed the back of his neck. "Tora's coat should grow back in a few months or so."

That particular mental image actually created an uncharacteristic chuckle from the normally staid Hyuuga Head. Although Hiashi had serious misgivings regarding the boy at first, this week's exposure had made him realize just what was missing from the Hyuuga estate. The boy was fire: flickering, warming and illuminating. True, the flames could go out of control, but the young man was getting better with regard to that.

He was still reserved when it came to his being around any Hyuuga publicly, especially his eldest child. The populous did not know of Naruto's current circumstance, nor, Hiashi figured, would they be willing to set aside thirteen years of bitterness, hatred and discrimination in light of the new evidence. Privately was another matter altogether, and Hiashi found he didn't mind all that much, especially given that Hinata had taken it upon herself to assist Naruto in reviewing Academy material. The boy was found to have missed far more lectures than his past truancy could rationalize away.

The continued exposure, now twice daily, was a mixed blessing at best, but at least the Branch side had returned to some sense of normalcy. For a while there, they had...rebelled, being stupidly servile. If one was tasked with pouring tea, they would start but not stop, overflowing the cup and making one massive mess. Their defense would be to spout factual derisions they had suffered, such as 'Not paid to think.' for why they hadn't. This mentality had spilled over in to every aspect of Hyuuga life, throwing the entire estate into anarchy, albeit in the cool and aloof Hyuuga fashion.

Multiple times a day, basically whenever a Branch felt like it (which was rebellious in and of itself), they would pause and track something unseen through the walls of the compound: Naruto as he moved through the village. If he was doing anything interesting, such as breathing, eating ramen (a visual treat on a whole other level from the wholesale carbohydrate conversion) or training, a group spokesman, one per sector, would narrate the activity. Only the best and most florid kept their impromptu positions, and were granted heightened respect and better portions than the rank-and-file Branch enjoyed.

The 'demands' the Branch had given were simple: more Naruto time. Hiashi couldn't really see what the fuss was all about, although the boy's chakra expressions were interesting to watch. It was times like this that the loss of his brother hurt the most. Being Branch, he would have known, possibly, and might not have minded talking with his slightly older twin brother about the fixation. As it was, the best he had was his eldest child, from whom he had begun to accept written reports, as those took exponentially less time to deliver than one of her stammering discourses. She was getting better, slowly...very slowly.

That thought gave Hiashi another, one for which he had no clear answer: Why was it that Hinata was the only member of the Main House affected? Speaking of the girl, Hiashi was very much privately ashamed for having tossed her aside those many years ago. That he was grieving the loss of the wife which his eldest so resembled was no excuse, though it was the rationale at the time. He would need to make it up to her somehow.

The boy smoothly slid out onto the water after he greeted the Hyuuga present, manifesting several small balls of fire which he then began to juggle to their glee and delight. For Naruto, the Hyuuga had been a blessing, in both training and positive attention: he drank deep as only the parched could. Hinata took up station close enough for the heat to caress her cheek and resumed their review material with a gentle smile. For this particular exercise, Naruto would be sent back to the Beginner Class if the water temperature exceeded an increase of two degrees within five feet of his position.

However, if he passed this exercise, he might just move on to jumping a rope of fire while on the water, after having responding correctly to a verbal pop-quiz with each wrong answer answered in turn by a thrown shuriken or kunai. These implements, which he would have to dodge while remaining on the water's surface, would be tied to lengths of string which he could not burn or scorch, as he would be personally responsible for their retrieval from the water if their tethers failed.

By the time he was released from his morning schedule, a slightly soggy Naruto had just enough time to catch an extra breakfast at Ichiraku's before heading to the training ground. It didn't matter that he'd be the only one there for several hours, as he had a sneaking suspicion that if _he_ were the one two hours late, everyone else, including Kakashi, would have shown up on time. That's how things had been prior to team assignments, so it made little sense to change what worked.

Besides all that, Naruto was reaching burnout on some levels, having distracted himself from dealing with other issues. He needed to talk to someone, someone he trusted above all others.

* * *

"You seem troubled, Naruto. I hope it's not the ramen."

Naruto looked up from his bowl and offered a weak smile at Teuchi, the man who had served Naruto untampered-with-food since he was two and still in the Orphanage. "Sorry Old Man, just have a lot on my mind. Didn't make time to deal with it at the time, and now all that time has caught up to me."

Teuchi nodded gravely as he began cleaning his knives. "If you have something to say, Naruto, there is a reason I have two ears and only one mouth."

Naruto's smile grew a bit at the offer, before faltering. "It's, well...it's a secret, but I trust Teuchi-sama."

That got Teuchi to look up from what he was doing, allowing him to see the subtle 'come here' motion of Naruto's chopsticks. In response, he carefully wet a cloth and began wiping down the lunch counter. After a moment, Teuchi said, "If this is about your condition," wiping a hand across his apron where his navel would be, "there is a reason why you are my Number One customer, Naruto-kun."

The boy started, amazed, before his eyes suddenly became cloudy.

"There goes that wind again, stirring up the dusty street. I keep asking the Council to pave it, but they won't listen to me. Gets in my eyes too, from time to time," stated Teuchi softly. "I'm guessing that's not the real secret."

Naruto shook his head slightly, thankful for Teuchi's distraction as he scrubbed his eyes. Him already knowing made this a trifle easier. In fact, the only reasons the session with Anko went so smoothly was having the Hokage in the same room, not to mention Anko's personality was pretty fun, despite her being absolutely crazy.

"It's gone, the Fox is." Teuchi's right eyebrow rose instantly. "The Fourth's Seal is still intact and working," Naruto hurriedly added, "taking the Fox's energy and converting it to power the Seal, that's what Hokage-jijii told me...just the Fox isn't there to see it all happen. Some type of accountant or something said it had been suspended."

Being a master at his trade meant having a sharp and agile mind. "Was Kyuubi a name or a job title?"

"Name, as far as I know. Its job title was, um," Naruto paused nervously, "the Incarnation of Fire."

That actually made Teuchi pause in his counter wiping, before he took Naruto's bowl and refilled it. "You spoke in past tense, which means the Fox is no longer doing this job. Who is?" He saw the boy shrink in his seat before cautiously indicating himself. "You?" A slight nod. Teuchi turned and went to their coldbox, returning with a glass of milk, which he placed next to Naruto's bowl. "I believe you."

He didn't ask for proof, nor did he question the claim. This level of pure acceptance and trust was more than Naruto could handle, even during the best of times. The boy's mind promptly shut down.

* * *

When he awoke, he was in a strange place, or rather, a different place. For starters, he was on a rather comfortable, if old, sofa with a concerned Ayame placing a cool cloth on his forehead. Their eyes very briefly met, as her hand was dangerously close to stroking his whisker marks, before she was on the other side of the room.

This was no easy feat, considering the low table now visible between them.

"That was so _cool_, Ayame-chan! I didn't know you knew ninja moves!"

The girl in question flushed and stumbled into a table holding a vase of flowers, which she spun and caught, deftly placing them back on the still-rocking tabletop. "It's...um...I need to get Papa..." Her voice drifted off as she gazed at the recumbent boy.

"You mean Teuchi-sama? He's not hurt or anything, is he? Um, Ayame-chan, you okay? Ayame?"

"Huh? Oh! Yes! Um...I'll just...just...um. Yes." She turned, blushing brightly at being caught staring and stumbled out the door and down a few steps. She arrested her descent, turned back to Naruto, and couldn't stop the giggles which slipped past her lips. "I'm okay, Naruto-kun, and...um...thank you for asking." She turned and took a few more steps down, before turning back again with a few steps up, looking for all the world as if she had something else to say. She didn't though, as with a bemused and highly flushed look she fled, leaving a very puzzled Naruto behind.

"That was weird."

"No, Naruto-kun, that was normal." Teuchi couldn't suppress the wince at the sound the boy's neck made. "Are you okay, Naruto? I brought your milk."

"I'm...you just surprised me is all." Naruto chuckled weakly while rubbing the back of his neck, massaging more to the point. Turning his head that quickly had not been painless. "Thanks for the milk, Old Man. Um, how long was I out?"

"Only a few minutes. Do you know what brought it on, or should you be taken to the hospital?"

Naruto couldn't keep his own wince away when the H-word was mentioned. "Naw, I'm good. Just had too much info to process and my brain locked up." He paused for a moment before standing, having placed his milk on the low table between them. "I thank you for your care," he said with a rather formal bow.

"Sit, sit. I do have a few questions for you, if you don't mind."

Taking his seat, Naruto was reminded of something. "Oh, that's right! Ayame-chan was looking for you. Um, you want me to send a clone to help her with the stand? She could tend the counter while I, or my clone rather, looked after the cleanup."

Teuchi mulled over it quickly, and wasn't too keen on having unsupervised teens together, especially with how Ayame had been acting of late. Still, this was Naruto, a good kid in general, not counting his prankster ways, but also impervious to innuendo and amorous advances, if the Hyuuga girl was anything to go by. He, or his proxy, could be trusted in such a potentially dangerous situation. "I would appreciate that, Naruto. This shouldn't take that long."

With a minimal gesture, a clone was bowing. "I'll take good care of the stand, Teuchi-dono! Believe it!" The clone quickly vanished down the stairway leading from the living quarters to the stand's kitchen.

"Dono, is it now?" Teuchi cast a bemused look to the boy, who was looking rather sheepish.

"Well, Teuchi-sama, they are a part of me, or something, and really, really respect you. Now, um...about those questions?"

"Ah, yes. I'm guessing that being the Incarnation of Fire allows for control of such. Now, this past week, there has been no issue with fire during the night, when one would normally be sleeping. So what caused the complete fire outages before? One day, you're telling me about Team Placements, the next day all my burners stop working."

"Ah!" The boy's cheeks tinted in embarrassment and consternation at having caused Teuchi any grief. _'I'll make double sure his fires never go out...or the Hyuugas. If Ichiraku had flame and the Hyuuga didn't, I think Hiashi-sama would quickly go back to looming. Oh, can't forget Jijii either, so that means the Hokage Mansion and the Sarutobi clan grounds.'_ "Um, about that, you see..."

* * *

"Hey there, Ayame-chan! Where do you need me?"

She blinked before blushing. _'I really need to stop reading those ecchi books!'_ "Naruto-kun?"

"Narutwo, at your service. Your dad wanted to talk with Boss, so I was sent to help out with dishes and whatnot."

"Oh? Um, over here then." She walked up and past him, bumping his hip with her own while trying to hide her grin.

Narutwo blinked and took a further step to the side, slightly confused over her current clumsiness and the ninja-like way she moved upstairs, even catching a falling vase!

She bumped into him again at the sinks, and this time Narutwo saw the grin. The spark of realization came into his eyes that this must be one of those games kids play, well, that other non-Kyuubi kids play. Armed with such knowledge, he bumped her hip back, though perhaps just a little bit more forcefully, this being his first time playing this game.

He saw her look of surprise and slid into action as she struggled to regain her balance from the unexpected move. His training since graduation, especially with the daytime Hyuuga and nighttime Kotetsu-Izumo sessions, while not erasing all the skills-based sabotage, went a long way towards placing him in the skills set he should currently have as a rookie Genin.

Narutwo surprised himself with how smoothly he caught Ayame, preventing her from hitting the floor with his left arm around her waist and his right arm across her back, his right hand gripping her right shoulder loosely. "Sorry about that Ayame-chan. I guess I need more practice to play this game right."

* * *

The Branch Hyuuga, by and large, liked and respected Hinata, though this wasn't always the case. Before Naruto, she was generally treated with embarrassed pity more than anything else. Since the boy had been coming to the compound though, they had all seen the change in the heiress. It was a subtle change, much like the seedling pushing its sprouts through the soil, but a change nevertheless.

What they liked most was how pleased she was that others were finally seeing the boy's worth. She even shared with them her rather extensive and slightly disquieting knowledge of the boy, his habits, haunts and normal routes. She even got them clearance to witness the Bonfire Incident during Naruto's first night of cleanup punishment, though that in turn led to several members of the expedition being treated at the clan's infirmary for severe eyestrain.

They appreciated that she appreciated them. This went quite beyond her gentle temperament, and unlike her younger sister, had never once raised her voice at any of them. In repayment, Hinata was the only Main family member who did not have any issues with the staff during their stupidly servile revolt. Another thing was to notify the heiress of Naruto's movements.

She had mentioned, shyly, that she had felt it her duty to watch after Naruto, and was overjoyed that now there were others of her family, which to her included all the Branch members, who were willing to share in this duty. It was a touching sentiment, and given the boy's energy signature, not an onerous one in the least! So, Branch members on watch would notify others, and down the chain it would go, rather quickly, until Hinata herself was informed.

This was her information circle, or spy ring, run beneath the elders' collective noses with them not really having a clue. All they cared about was servitude, so long as it didn't pertain directly to them, and profits. They had figured out, however, that the boy coming twice daily was very inexpensive and made the Branch happy, for some odd reason. Happy Hyuugas meant for Productive Hyuugas and the clan's bottom line had shown this to be true.

So it was that Ishi Hyuuga, Hinata's seventh cousin on her mother's side, went to inform the heiress about a strange situation. He found her beneath one of their cherry trees, trying to snatch blossoms as they fell. He privately admitted that her movements were pleasingly fluid, but the rather esoteric exercise was not one with which he was familiar. In fact, it was one which had fallen out of favor many years ago when an elder groused that he didn't want to see his children 'flapping their arms about like deranged geese.'

Hinata had found mention of it in the clan archives, of which she had access during her Academy years, but had only of late actually used. Naruto's work ethic, cheerful nature and sincere compliments had awoken something in the normally reserved girl, so she dove into the archives searching for other training methods which she could use to excel and be of use to the boy.

He waited until she noticed him, then began uncertainly. "Hinata-sama, there is...something we think you should see."

Her Byakugan had not been active, since the point of this particular exercise was the see the petals on the edge of vision and sense them behind you. At his words, she engaged her bloodline and turned in the direction he was facing to further focus her attention. What she saw was odd.

Naruto, even at range, was easy to find, though his signature was more diffuse. She could see two bright and nebulous entities actually, so one or both were clones...a sweep confirmed that Naruto was not at the training ground. Triangulation done mentally caused her to surmise that he had altered his routine schedule and gone to Ichiraku's Ramen Stand.

So why was one downstairs and the other up? Then the one downstairs bent forward at the waist, like it was holding something. Her eyes weren't strong enough to indicate at this distance any other occupants, though she guessed civilian, seeing how the owner and his daughter lived above the stand. At this range, it was entirely possible for Naruto's luminosity to obscure any nearby expressions.

* * *

Their faces were close, well, close enough. Ayame, never one to waste such a golden opportunity, reached up and grabbed Naru...two's face. His hands were otherwise occupied and it was almost comical how wide his eyes became when she quickly pulled his face towards her and kissed him. She had never kissed anyone before, since pillows don't count, though she had read about the technique often enough in her novels.

So great was his surprise that he jumped backwards, dumping Ayame on her rump in the process. He pointed a trembling finger at her and spluttered, "You...you...ki..ki..." He paused as a look of wonderment came into his eyes, once the scent and sensations caught up to him. "The Boss just has to know about this!"

With that declaration, the clone dismissed itself, much to Ayame's amusement and consternation. "There goes my Naruto-time, and fat chance Papa letting me have him alone again! Still...Ayame One, Hyuuga Zero!" She proceeded to perform an impromptu victory dance before she paused. "He's my first kiss..."

It was all she could do to keep from swooning.

* * *

As they watched, the bottom floor blob suddenly straightened, several steps from where it had been, before it vanished. The one upstairs seemed to have jumped up and moved around. In and around various parts of the property, the buzz began of what this could mean as Speakers narrated events.

"Ishi-san, how is your marriage?" Hinata asked softly.

Pleased that she knew his name, he was still surprised at the question. "Very well, and thank you for asking, Hinata-sama."

"Could you bring Asaka-san here? I think I might have need of both of you."

Nodding, he ran off, returning rather quickly with Asaka in tow. "Your will, Hinata-sama?"

Hinata, brow creased in thought and concentration, said, "I asked for her because she is your wife, since the positions may be awkward. Ishi-san, get in Naruto-kun's position." She observed him with a critical eye. "It looks like he was holding someone. Asaka-san, if you would act as that someone?"

Blushing from the public display of affection, though mollified a bit since it was technically an order, Asaka maneuvered herself into her husband's arms. "I think you may be on to something, Hinata-sama. In this position, I am off balance and would be unable to stop my fall should I be released."

Hinata nodded her thanks. "I need you to hold that position for a while longer. He had to have been holding someone not much bigger than...**Ayame**!"

Ishi knew the tone and paled. "Um, Hinata-sama, perhaps she slipped and he caught her out of instinct and protection. We understand she is a friend of his and they were in the kitchen part of the stand."

Her unexpected jealous spike evaporated, tinting her cheeks in embarrassment at doubting her Naruto-kun. "You are correct, Ishi-san. That is something Naruto-kun would do to protect his friends."

"Hinata-sama," asked Asaka from her position gently, "if that is true, then what made him move like that?"

Hinata got a slightly spacy look on her face before she focused back on Asaka. _'I really need to stop reading those ecchi books!'_

Asaka recognized that look, and with a sly wink to Hinata, reached up and grabbed her husband's face, pulling him in for a quick kiss. So great was his surprise at this public exhibition that he jumped backwards, dumping Asaka on her rump in the process. All movement ceased as heads turned towards Hinata.

Her face had flushed at the kiss, she blinked at the movement, and then her agile mind darkened her cheeks. "That...she...Naru...Asaka-san, attend. Ishi-san, I want you to inform my father that I seek an audience. I won't let her get away with trying to steal my Naruto-kun!"

* * *

In the upstairs of the Ichiraku residence, Naruto was eagerly explaining some of his control exercises when he stiffened, yelped, and flipped over the back of the couch.

"Is there a problem, Naruto?" asked a startled Teuchi.

"Um...um...Ayame...ki...ki..." If there was ever a time where Naruto was thankful for the Hyuuga control lessons, it was now. Without the training Hiashi had overseen, Naruto had no doubts that his 'gift,' as it were, would have burned this place down to ash many times over from all the emotional shocks he had experienced since first parting Ichiraku's privacy curtain.

"Calm down and start from the beginning." After a few minutes, the situation became clear, at least to Teuchi. He could tell Naruto was very puzzled and more than slightly troubled. Luckily, he had prepared for this moment, as he knew there would be few others in this village who would help the boy to this extent, and the boy needed the help, that much was certain. He had practiced delivering this lesson on his own daughter after that first silent blushing exchange between the two teens.

"Naruto, I am not upset with you. Nor is Ayame in trouble, though I will have a talk with her about this. Now then, it is important that you attend my words. I feel the need to teach you something, a lesson that will serve you well for the rest of your life if you listen well."

Naruto, after his initial embarrassment, was transfixed. Teuchi-sama wanted, _actually_ wanted to teach Naruto something he personally felt important. Precious few others had volunteered to teach Naruto anything, and when it came to trust, Teuchi was on a whole other level, even higher than the Hokage.

So when Teuchi began The Talk, Naruto didn't even blink, nor did he complain. This was something Teuchi felt Naruto should learn, so he would, if only to make Teuchi proud.

* * *

"You wanted to see me?" Hiashi hadn't looked up from his calligraphy.

"I did, Father. I have something to ask of you."

"Is this about your progress report?" He dipped the brush in the bowl, squeezing out the excess with easy practiced motions.

"No, Father. That is not due for another two days."

"Ah." He paused briefly. "How goes your training?"

"There is room for improvement," she said softly, echoing one of his sentiments from years past.

He winced internally at the reminder of his offhand cruelty. He blinked unexpectedly as the realization sunk in that he had run out of topics. He decided to wait to see where she was going with all this.

He was struck by how little he knew of his eldest. Something inside jogged his memory. _'Flower arran..no, pressing. She likes to press flowers.'_ He frowned slightly that this...hobby had already been addressed by the book specifically for flower pressing which Naruto had presented to Hinata as a 'because you're my friend' gift a few days ago.

Her next statement caught him off guard and pulled him from his introspection. "You know how I never asked for anything?" The 'ever' was left unsaid, but was heard all the same.

Hiashi glanced up from the parchment, nodding cautiously.

"I would like to request a favor, but not as a Hyuuga." She could read the question by the way his left eyebrow rose a fraction. "I ask it as a daughter."

He blinked. _'This is new...'_ "There is a difference?"

He almost didn't hear her answer, so soft it was given. "To some, yes."

This caused him to set aside his brush. Something important was going on here and he felt it necessary to give it his full and considerable attention. "Well?"

In a rare show of bravery, his eldest lifted her eyes from the ground to focus on his hands. _'This is also new.'_

"I would like for you to buy Ichiraku's Ramen Stand."

"Oh? Why is that name so familiar?" His practiced eye caught the barest hint of a blush. "Ah, that must be where Naruto takes some of his meals, yes?" At her surprised nod that he made the connection so quickly, he continued, "Why should I include this business with our other interests?"

She hesitated only for a moment. "Ichiraku-san makes more than just ramen broth, Father. There's soups, bases, stocks and his blending of herbs and spices. Under the Hyuuga fold, those skills could be incorporated into our own foodstuffs, both for domestic and commercial consumption."

He really could not resist. "Your stutter has improved. I am impressed. However, your favor was phrased as a Hyuuga." Her response to the jab was to flinch slightly and lower her gaze. _'Perhaps I should not have said that, though she was showing signs of improving.'_

Something shifted in her posture, and what happened next had him so surprised at its uniqueness that he quite forgot to get angry at the blatant disrespect that soon followed.

For the first time in, well, _ever_, shy and timid Hinata raised cold eyes in a glare into his own, right before a voice chilled his core.

"I don't think you quite grasp the situation, Father. She will **not** steal my Naruto-kun away. You **will** go down there, you **will** buy the stand, and you **will** fire that trollop of a daughter."

Hiashi blinked at the tone before blinking at his surroundings. The guards to the compound gates were waiting for him, for some reason. _'Now how the blazes did I end up here?'_

A memory of a voice washed over him as Hinata's words were replayed. No, not Hinata, but Shinju, his beloved wife, so named for the unique pearl color of her eyes which his eldest had inherited. His dead wife, through Hinata, had told him how things were going to be, in tones which brooked no compromise. _'Perhaps a walk will clear my head, as it is not good to be cooped up all the time. Maybe I will look into that favor if I pass by the ramen stand on my way.'_

Another thought came to him as he passed the guards, causing him to smile inwardly._ 'She was angry __about something, which is __**very**__ new. What got her angry was something the ramen chef's daughter did with regards to Naruto.' _This time the slight grin actually reached his lips._ 'She didn't stutter once.'_


End file.
